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11:55 am - Sat 11/15/03
Gathering Storm Clouds

Gathering Storm Clouds
Thurs 11/13/03 (11:30 p.m.)

Some things I may have forgotten to mention in here:

1. I checked with my M.D and my Otolaryngologist about Provigil, the sleep apnea drug, and neither of them would prescribe it for me, because neither of them had heard of it.

Was this some sort of beautiful pharmaceutical dream I had...?

Kidding aside, I kind of don't get that; I found it online, so why can't they?

How about doing a little research, boys? Then give me my drugs!

2. I've enjoyed chatting with "Theatre-geek" a couple times recently. Apparently, the first time we chatted, she'd downloaded an ICQ program at work, wanted to take it out for a test-drive, and saw I was online. It's been a lot of fun, and only the second time anyone from diaryland has IM'ed me, wanting to chat. Anyway, I hope it'll become at least a semi-regular thing.

3. Some time back, I popped in at the nearby City College, to get a schedule book. But the new semester doesn't start till January (I'm thinking about taking an acting class or something on one of my days off).

4. I finally got around to getting a couple dubs made of the HBO commercial (One for me, and one to send to Mark and Jane).

It was a big letdown.

First off, it's always disappointing to see film or video of myself, and realize I just ain't a good-looking guy. But more disappointing than that was the fact that as I watched the tape, I saw exactly what the HBO people were talking about; my part is not particularly funny or vital to the spot. A one or two line voiceover really would get the job done more effectively (The big laughs are in the watercooler conversations, and not my intro). I wanted to be able to say, "What the hell were they thinking? This is great stuff!", but instead, I saw that my bit was the weak link of an otherwise amusing commercial.

(I'm not blaming myself here–I think I did a good job with what I was given to do--but just saying that the commercial could have been better written.)

5. I had an audition Tuesday, a print ad for some drug called "Biaxin".

It was kind of funny; when one of JS's people called, I told them I'd had a spill on my bike, and my face was a little messed up, so I didn't know whether they wanted me to go in anyway or not (They asked JS, and he basically left it up to me; I opted to go, since I didn't really have anything better to do).

So I went in, and found out I was supposed to be a "patient". And while I don't know what "Biaxin" is, with my bandaged face and various bike-related aches and pains, I felt pretty "patient-y"!

(Print ads are my least favorite thing to go in for, because there's nothing to do. It's the time I feel most like a more-or-less desirable piece of meat.)

6. Henry Gibson was at the bookstore recently (If you're saying "Who?", Henry Gibson was a regular on the old Laugh-In show in the 60's. He was also in Nashville and The Blues Brothers).

That I was as tickled as I was hit me by surprise. But when I thought about it, it was like seeing a little piece of my past appear right in front of me; I remember watching Laugh-In when I was a kid, and while my memory of it now is that it was hopelessly corny and un-funny, I'm sure as a little kid I thought it was the height of comedy.

(For the record, Mr Gibson was extremely gracious.)

7. Hours at work have changed.

We used to open at 10:00 a.m. every day, with the closing hours 11:00 p.m., Monday through Thursday, midnight on Friday and Saturday, and 10:00 p.m. on Sunday.

Now it's just 9:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., seven days a week.

What that means is that I'm going in an hour-and-a-half earlier on Fridays and Saturdays, and an hour later on Sundays. It's a mostly meaningless change–getting home an hour earlier Friday and Saturday doesn't mean much to me–but I know at some point, there's going to be a commercial audition vs. work conflict some Friday that I wouldn't have had otherwise. But what are ya gonna do?


Got a page from JS yesterday, but when I called, they told me the audition was going to be rescheduled, and they'd be getting back to me.

In Friday's e-mail newsletter, JS said he hoped there'd be at least at least one good week left before things "slow down" for the holidays.

So as slow as it's been for me, it's probably going to get even slower (I sort of figured that, but it was still discouraging to hear it from the big man himself).

So what's the "up-side" here...?

I won't need to grovel for a day off during the time-off ban at the bookstore (Which is basically the month of December).

I'm starting to have doubts about my current course of action, regarding the whole commercial thing.

It's the same dilemma I've talked about before; I should be acting (Which basically means doing plays, since that's probably the arena where I could get cast most readily), but doing plays (Or taking classes, if I had the money) would mean working during the day, which would leave no time for commercial auditions (Or tv and movie auditions, for that matter. But since I'm not getting tv and movie auditions at this point, that's something of a non-issue right now).

I'll probably be hashing this issue around for awhile, but I'm just starting to have doubts that this commercial stuff is ever going to pay off the way I want it to.

Got bad news yesterday--Pat is leaving.

He's giving two week's notice, as of this coming Sunday, and going back to New York, where he's from.

It makes sense, really; He's a journalist, nothing's happening for him here, and New York is the center of print media (And he can stay with his folks there till he gets on his feet).

I'm not crushed--I felt like we were in the early days of a friendship here--but I am disappointed. And I feel just that much more alone than I did before getting the news (It was not a bombshell--he told me some time ago that he might be leaving--but I was surprised he'd decided to go without actually having a job offer).

(I should go get groceries. Don't really know why I'm procrastinating...)

Things are feeling pretty stagnant. Kinda bored. Kinda lonely. Kinda got nothing I'm really looking forward to, beyond catching a movie on my day off and that sort of thing.

And I feel those thoughts--The "bad thoughts"--pushing, pushing, pushing. Insistent and inexorable. Tireless, when I feel anything but "tireless" right now.

And that's where I run into a conflict, between my impulse to write, and my desire to not make myself unhappy; there's undoubtedly some interesting stuff in that darkness, but...but...I can't seem to explore it without giving over to it.

I'd better get some groceries. I've got nothing to take to work today.


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