6:17 am - Sat 10/23/04
Stressing Out (aka \"Does anyone have a million dollars they can spare me?\")

Sat 10/23/04 (3:49 a.m.)

Well, the thing at work where I say hello to Mandy, she ignores me, and it becomes our little "routine"?

That's not gonna work out.

When I saw her yesterday, up by the caf� area, I said brightly, "Hey, it's Mandy!", which upset her a great deal.Words were
exchanged�she expressed a preference for us not to talk to each other, while I expressed a preference for her to then find another place to work�supervisors were drawn in on both sides, and stupidity reigned supreme.

She hates me, folks.

It's been...well, I don't even know how long it's been, but it's been awhile now, and she really hates me.

I'm not used to that (Truthfully? I'm much more comfortable with being "beloved").

But seriously, while I don't want to be "friends" (And as far as my previous interest in being "more than friends", that now falls under the category of "What the hell could I have been thinking?"), I feel pretty insistent on the idea that she be civil to me�I'm not going to walk on eggshells because this person can't deal with my presenceat the bookstore (And if she feels that strongely about my presence, why the hell come back to the bookstore anyway? That's the million-dollar question, in my mind; seems to me things were going pretty well with the two of us in different locations).

In any case, the bookstore is too small for this foolishness, and we're both theoretically adults. We ought to be able to cope.

But apparently, we can't. So the two "theoretical adults" are probably going to have to talk to the GM tomorrow. Which is very much not the first conversation I would have chosen to have with this guy.
But to me, it's pretty simple�She needs to either grow up, or get out.

Basically, the first order of business would be to take the certification class. Then I'd have to wait a couple weeks to see if I passed, then take the results to, I don't know, City Hall or someplace. Then I'd take another class for another level of certification, then wait to hear if I passed that, then go back to, I don't know, City Hall or someplace, where I'd show them my diploma and get approved to stamp things, with my very own special "Notary Guy" stamp. Then after that, I guess it's a matter of "putting out my shingle" and trying to drum up business (That's where Anita would come in. I was confused, and somehow thought I'd be working for her, which sounded pretty good, like having an agent who sends you out on jobs. But basically, she'd just be providing moral support, and some job leads when the time came. I'd have to basically get my own work, which is an idea that, frankly, kind of alarms me).

She took some of the wind out of my sails when she said getting certified and set up takes about three months (Then it takes some more time�No way to know exactly how long-- before you really start getting much work).

And the money is sometimes good, sometimes not (Like being an actor, you need to set money aside when things are going well for the time when things inevitably slow down). But she seemed to feel like making at least what I'm making now would not be a problem.

In her experience, the work is mostly nights and weekends (I had thought just the opposite). Some more wind went out of my sails on that one, because I'd hoped this would be just the thing to allow me to do theatre at night (It would be nice to not have any conflicts with daytime auditions, but I'm actually doing fairly well on that front�My last five auditions all fell on one of my days off).

And there apparently is often no real notice; before I called, she'd gotten three calls for jobs later that day, after having had nothing all week.

I'm still pretty confused about the money, confused enough that I can't really quite explain how it works (Which makes me wonder why I didn't ask Anita to explain it to me till I did understand. Guess I didn't want to seem stupid...which I completely am, at least about this stuff). But, long story short, there is money to be made (Legally, you can't charge more than $10 per signature to notarize a document. But, if I understood Anita correctly, escrow companies and the like will pay you to go do the job; the company pays you X dollars, deducts the $10 per signature, and you pocket the difference...I guess. In any case, there is money involved. That's the important part).

So there it is. I'm less enthused than I was, for various and sundry reasons, but still wondering if it's maybe my way out of Borders�A "bridge" between Borders and eventual fame-and-fortune, if you will.

There are "pros" (Less time-consuming than a full-time job in order to make the same, or better, money, little or no conflicts with auditions), and "cons" (Never knowing what's coming in in a given week, more time on the freeway, parking, lots of potential conflicts with doing theatre), but I'm fading here, and I imagine no one reading this is still awake, anyway.

Wish I knew what to do...

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