9:06 AM - Thurs 2.06.20
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Re-read my last entry...knew it was something of a "downer" when I was writing it, but jeez...!

Happily, I'm in somewhat better spirits today, in part because of the Superbowl (And no, not because "my team" won - Not being a "team sports" guy, I don't typically have a "team" during occasions like this. But anyway...).

Knew I'd gotten cut from the Coke Energy spot, so wasn't surprised when the spot aired (In the first half) and I continued not being in it (It was still a little painful, though).

Then the Take 5 spot aired in the second half (during the third quarter). And naturally, I assumed the fun was over at that point.

Then I sort of got into watching the game - Not a football guy, but I understand the basic idea and can appreciate the athleticism of a great pass or run as well as the next guy - before turning it off in the final minute when the outcome was no longer in doubt.

And that's when a shorter version of the Coke Energy spot aired.

First my friend Josh alerted me with a text, then another friend sent a screen capture - a screen capture where I am, at least for a moment, completely recognizable, front-and-center, in the shot.

I'm not doing the thing I did on the day - The bit I shot was me singing/chanting/shouting "Energy!" as Hill drinks the drink (And is then understandably surprised by what's happening) - but while I hope this ostensibly comic bit sees the light of day at some point, for my purposes, it hardly matters.

Basically, I just needed to show up in the spot...and I do (And since the Superbowl, a friend reported seeing the spot during 911 on Fox).

(Now I'm wondering - I actually show up in the longer spot as well, though I'm a totally unrecognizable blip in the background. Does that get me anything? I'd better ask my agent...)

So the possibility that I'd make it into a different edit of the spot actually played out (That was the reason I re-read my previous entry, to make sure I'd expressed that was a possibility).

And, happily, said spot has already aired during primetime programming (You get paid for shooting a national commercial - That's the "shoot fee", and it covers the initial Superbowl debut - but the real money is in the residuals. Basically, the more it airs, the better).

So I am in an appreciably better spot than when I last wrote - Because, in terms of how much the spots are gonna air or whether they'll air at all, nothing is guaranteed. And that being the case, better to have two spots out here, potentially earning money, than just one (Now my anxiety turns, a little, to the Take 5 spot. I'm hoping it'll have "legs" and not be deemed "cost-prohibitive" because of the number of actors involved).

I've been thinking about all the attention I've received for showing up during the Superbowl.

It's gratifying to an extent, without a doubt - I didn't come out to Hollywood to labor in secret, and I very much like being perceived as a "winner" when people see the public fruits of my efforts - but I'm also struck by the "empty calories" of it.

It's junk food. It tastes good and I crave it, but in terms of actual human connection, it's not real "food" (And I can tell that's the case, because, like with junk food, I can't seem to get enough of it).

I'm talking primarily here about accumulating likes and whatnot on social media.

It's actually still gratifying when people see me in public and are excited, because of Shameless or the Superbowl commercial or what-have-you. It's enjoyable to move around in a world where I sometimes make people happy just on sight.

It's fun to make people's day a little brighter just because they saw you/interacted with you (Granted, "making someone's day a little brighter just because they interacted with you" doesn't require being a low-level celebrity...but it doesn't hurt).

Not much, really.

Audition-wise, the year is getting off to a slow start, which is starting to make me antsy.

On that front, it's been gratifying to talk to a few people who understand that feeling - I fear if I said that in a public forum, I'd get a lot of people chastising me for not being able to "relax and appreciate my success". which would be really annoying.

With the coming season of Shameless being the last one, I feel a very strong desire to generate a lot of earnings this year - I want as much of a "cushion" as possible between the end of Shameless and...the nest thing (Or series of things) that comes along.

I don't want another day job (Either as replacement-for or supplement-to WW). That would feel like a horrible step backward.

And I certainly don't want to go under financially. That would be an even horrible-er step backward.

I want, basically, what I've wanted for the past number of years now - I want to go another couple rungs "up the ladder" as a TV actor.

It seems like a pipe dream that I would ever front a series at this point - If lightning were to strike and that happened, it would be great...but I think that's a "plan" that's akin to "winning the lottery" in terms of practicality.

But while it's still a really tall order - and probably isn't happening on a Network show - it doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility that I could be a series regular on some cable show (ex. As one of the old guys in the squad room on a cop show or a workplace sitcom or the like).

What I'd like is to graduate to a series regular gig (Maybe on another one-hour "dramedy" like Shameless) where I might periodically get the "B" or "C" plot of an episode.

I want what I've always wanted, really - To get paid to act.

And, it turns out, I want to be an important part of why the show works (Fantasy scenario? To be in the position of a Dennis Franz on NYPD Blue, where the writers come to realize that your character, and not the ostensible lead, is really the "heart" of the show).

Well, I could babble on, but I think I've made my point (Besides, a couple of books I ordered are waiting for me at Skylight Books in Los Feliz, and I told myself I was gonna go pick them up today).

Till next time...

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