10:52 pm - Weds 1.25.2012
(In the future, I'll probably be a little more circumspect when it comes to boastful pronouncements I may not be able to live up to.)
Called Patti today, to say hi and firm up plans for Saturday.
I wasn't terribly happy with the conversation; she was fine - smart and funny - but I was tired and foggy, and had a hard time putting my thoughts together, clearly struggling for things to say (At times just struggling to get words out).
I can't imagine it was terribly encouraging on her end (And it was certainly worrisome on my end; one thing I've always been able to do in the past is talk. I'm afraid I've lost more than just "a step or two" with age and chronic sleep-deprivation).
(...but maybe it's just that I'm a good twenty years out of practice when it comes to this shit.)
In any case, Saturday we're going to Palermo (?) in Los Feliz, then seeing Alfred Nobbs afterward (Personally not interested in seeing this movie at all - the consensus is it's not very good - but the movie's really not the point here. Besides, I've told people more than once that, as an actor, I feel guilty for avoiding good performances in bad movies (Ex. Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady. Or Glen Close in Alfred Nobbs) - Sometimes when it comes to movies, I need to be more of an "Actor" and less of a "General Audience Member".
I'm not in a good mood tonight...I don't feel good, I'm disappointed that it doesn't look like I'm even getting callbacks from my last commercial auditions, I'm not happy about the aforementioned conversation, and I'm kind of bummed - perhaps inappropriately so, but "bummed" nevertheless - that a short time ago, I remembered I'm working two extra WW meetings tomorrow.
(It's "inappropriate" because I should be taking extra meetings whenever possible, to make up for meetings I will inevitably have to miss because of auditions and gigs. But what can I say? I'm tired all the time, and that being the case, I never want to work extra meetings...even if I know I should.)
This is one of those times where I think "I should be happy...but I'm not".
But even though I'm "not feeling it" in the moment, this really is a pretty good time to be me - People are seeing me on tv (I've gotten more comments about my Shameless episode since I last wrote), I have a date on Saturday, and my first-ever "wrap party" on Sunday.
This is good stuff.
But I'm just not feeling it right now.
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