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7:57 PM - 11.30.19

Past Imperfekt

(Haven't given myself much time here - Due in Santa Clarita around 11:00 for Thanksgiving with Cary and Kay - but wanted to do something...)

Not a lot of news to report (Certainly not on the acting front - Half a dozen auditions this month and, to my chagrin, nothing's happened), but I'll give you what I've got...

The most recent bit of good news, since I just "sealed the deal" yesterday, is that I'll be spending Xmas in Santa Fe (The "deal sealing" mostly had to do with getting fills at WW for the days I'll be gone).

This is something Jane wanted to happen that I was decidedly ambivalent about, for whatever reason (I could theorize about the psychological whys and wherefores, but honestly? It's mostly just lethargy - Being me, t's always going to feel easier, and thus be more appealing, to just not do shit).

But now that it's a "thing", I'm warming to the idea. I haven't "gone somewhere" for Xmas in...ever, maybe? (Though I was actually in Santa Fe last year around that time. But I came back a few days before the actual day).

The case Jane made for it was that it will be "good for the documentary" - Not that she plans to shoot anything, I don't think, just that it will help the project if her friends and well-wishers in Santa Fe become my friends and well-wishers too (Which I think has already happened to a certain extent over the past year, with my numerous back-and-forths there).

It'll also be nice to see Wes and Maura again (Last year I left just before their Xmas Eve party, which I will now be attending).

The quick bond I formed with Wes this past year is still one of my favorite "side-effects" from the project. And they will be good people to have "in our corner" (Jane and I crafted a nice fantasy at one point of my someday retiring to Santa Fe to do theater and teach acting at Maura's theater while renting the bottom half of her house. It's a way better version of the future than some I've envisioned - All I'd have to do is actually learn how to act, then teach other people to do it).

But I think to a large extent, this is just a kindness on Jane's part - Far as I know, the only "social event" on the calendar is Wes and Maura's Xmas Eve party, so it's mostly going to be just hanging out with Dick and Jane (Which, from previous experience, I expect to be fairly delightful).

Almost time to "wrap it up" for now...

It's been raining the past couple days here in LA. Nothing like what people are dealing with in Michigan and the like, but still makes me just want to "hunker down" and - sing along with me - not do shit.

But, by and large, my "hunkering down" doesn't tend to have any good outcomes, practical or psychological. I don't want to say it's never the way to go, but for the most part, it's better, when I feel that urge, to ignore it when possible.

One more quick thing, because I'm quite excited about it - I'm drawing again!

(But that's where I'll take up when I get back...)


FRI 11/29/19 (9:55 am)

(I probably should do laundry at some point. I can't just keep buying clothes, then wearing them longer than I should, to put it off. But anyway...)

Thanksgiving with Cary and Kay and company (Their son Donovan, Kay's mother Corinne, and Cary's parents Bruce and Janet) was delightful as always. I tend to wrestle with feeling "at home" anywhere during the holidays, but it finally sunk in, at some point over the years, that they like having me there for Thanksgiving and it's not a question of them "feeling sorry" for me (That's a big "issue" for me over the holidays, when it comes to invitations. Always has been).

Sat 11/30/19 (5:15 pm)

(To those of you wondering - I did end up doing laundry yesterday afternoon, a task made less odious by engaging in my weekly call with Mark and Jane Z. during the "folding" portion of the program.)

Have something I want to write about...but it's not just about me, and I feel like writing about it might be a bit..."iffy", privacy-wise.

(And the voice inside my head says, "Jim, that's what a private journal is for". So anyway...)

One nice thing that's happened recently happened, to a certain extent, because of a bad thing that happened six months or so ago.

When I ordered my Yamaha P-71 keyboard from Amazon (Which i was able to purchase due to an extremely generous birthday check from Mark and Jane), I almost immediately noticed one key didn't sound right.

For $400, I kinda wanted all the keys to sound right, but since I'd ordered if off Amazon, I assumed I had to ship it back to Amazon for a refund or replacement.

And I'm a lazy, lazy man. So I decided to just "live with it".

But the bad key kept bothering me, so I recently ended up on the Yamaha website, found out it was still under warranty, found a repair place in my vicinity, and took the keyboard there last week.

And as a result of this somewhat unhappy situation, I suddenly had table-top space previously taken-up by said keyboard.

Table-top space that was perfect for drawing.

I have some drawing talent and have drawn at various points over the years (Mostly superhero's, cartoons, and the like, with the occasional portrait drawing from photographs).

But I have also gone for years without drawing, because...well, I'm not sure why, actually; I think it's a combination of not dealing well with not being able to "get it right", bumping up against drawing "challenges" I didn't know how to cope with, and an increasing fatigue, as an adult, that makes it hard to marshal the concentration drawing takes - It might take more concentration for me to draw well than to do just about anything else I can think of).

But two artist friends on Facebook - Josh M. and Dick H. - have inspired me with their "artistic journeys".

In each instance, I've watched them start from, in my own estimation, fairly rough beginnings, to diligently working at it and, eventually, developing their own "styles", styles so distinctive and appealing they now have people buying their work.

It made me wonder what had happened to me - I'd been drawing since high school (If not before), so how come I didn't have anything like a "personal style"? Why was I not in a position to sell my "work" like these guys were?

And the answer is "I didn't really apply myself". And the main reason for that is that I was too invested in being "perfect" and "getting it right", and I let that desire kill my enjoyment of the process, let alone my urge to "explore" what I might be able to do given time and effort.

So, I've been drawing. Have done a couple "still-lifes" (Cans, on two occasions, and a stack of smal boxes), and a couple of "upside-down drawings" (Where you turn the picture or photograph you're working from upside down, a drawing exercise from Drawing On The Right Side Of The Brain), and it's been fun.

I'd like to see what it looks like when I give myself a chance to be imperfect and, eventually, develop my own "style" (Which, when I think about it, is pretty much what I've done in here over the years).

Well, I could ramble on...but I don't have anything to say that won't keep (And Jane R. just texted me requested a chat, which I feel quite agreeable to).

And since I just finished writing about drawing, maybe I'll draw something before the night is over.

Till next time...


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