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9:15 pm - THU 7/25/02
A Thursday \"Two-fer\"

A Thursday "Two-fer"

THU 7/25/02 4:37 p.m. (Offline)

(At the food court in the Beverly Center, having a large Diet Pepsi.)

Well, today was supposed to go differently than this, but that's no one's fault but my own; I screwed around, went back to bed and slept for hours (I should have set my alarm, but didn't), and once I was up again, couldn't seem to motivate myself to do anything.

By the time I did manage to get my ass in gear, it was probably around 3:00. I decided to ride my wobbly-tired bike to the bike shop (should have taken the car), maybe take in a movie, if that worked out, time-wise (And if there was anything worth seeing), and stop by the bookstore to get a Backstage West (This looks like one I should actually read, and not just skip to the "casting" section).

At the bike shop, the guy suggested that I just do the "simple" repair myself, but I felt myself seize up as he described taking the back wheel off, loosening and tightening various bolts and whatnot, then putting the tire back on (I don't have an adjustable wrench, I don't have anything to hold the bike stationary, and I don't have anyone to dry my eyes when I burst into tears from frustration).

Bike guy said if I left it, he might not be able to get to it till Wednesday, which would mean an entire work week without my bike. But when he saw my chagrin--and I confessed to being "retarded" about this stuff--He said that if I brought it back tomorrow when they opened, he could probably do it pretty quickly then.

So I think that's what I'm gonna do (It just occurred to me to ask Cary if he has the requisite tools and/or expertise, but I don't want to burden him with this; If he still lived in North Hollywood, it wouldn't be so big a deal, but getting the two of us and my bike together seems kind of daunting and time-consuming. Probably best if I just go back to the bike place, maybe ask if I can watch, but I don't know if it would help; they have tools, and mounts to put the bike up on. But anyway...)

I'm a bit annoyed with myself. This is all about me procrastinating; If I'd gotten an early start today, I could probably have gotten all my vehicular crap done before noon. But c'est la vie...

I thought I'd maybe see a movie today, but there's nothing good at either the Beverly Center or the Connection (Almost saw The Bourne Identity here, but decided at the last second that I really wasn't that psyched to see it. If I had nothing but money and time, I've often said I'd see pretty much everything out there, but I don't, so I have to aim towards getting the most bang for my movie-matinee buck).

But now, I'm off to the bookstore. I can get Backstage West, go home and read it, get some headshots together, and rescue this day from going totally into the dumper.

(END)

Home. Procrastinating. Watching CSI (I'm actually excited about the CSI spin-off, CSI; Miami, since it stars David Caruso and Kim Delaney, two former NYPD Blue people I really like).

Telling myself that since my entries have been fairly brief lately, and since I don't know if I'll have time to write tomorrow, I can write two entries today if I want to...but I'm feeling guilty. But I've got hours before bedtime, so I'm good.

Feeling a need to confess something; Over the past couple days, I have seriously back-slid with the junk food.

I'm not going to mention a dollar amount, because that would really bum me out, but I think a list will impress you with the seriousness of my problem:

1. Two Hostess fruit pies

2. Two giant Snickers bars

3. Two large bags of Doritos

4. Two boxes of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls

5. Two diet Cokes (And yes, the contradiction of buying all this crap and diet Coke has occured to me).

This is not the work of a man who just wants a "treat"; This is a psyche at war with itself.

But I'm not going to expend a lot of time and energy getting mad. I've been very tired and physically down lately, and this was the result. My body wanted the temporary rush of sugar and fat, and my mind rationalized that I "deserved it" (Maybe. Maybe a "treat", but I think trying to buy all the junk food in the store was a bit much).

I'm thinking about what I said about Leo, and my not being a "pet person"...

What I said was true, as far as it went, but as I thought about it afterwards, I realized the whole truth is more...complicated.

I didn't want to bring Leo out here. I thought it would make finding an apartment more difficult, I thought the trip would be too hard on both of us, and I thought it would just be better if I could find him a good home.

But the trip out here, at least the Leo part of it, was really not that big a deal. And more than "not that big a deal", I think it helped me; If I'd been totally alone, I think I would have been more freaked out, and more focused on being freaked out (I got lost a couple times along the way, which was sometimes very frustrating for me, and sometimes very scary). But with Leo along for the ride, I had to think about him, at least a little bit, and that small bit of outward focus helped.

And in the early days out here, before I really had anything set up, when the only things in my apartment were a futon and a radio, when I was lonely and scared, I think Leo did provide some comfort. Again, there was the issue of having something else to focus on. He was a bit of normalcy, of routine, and I'd even say he provided me some measure of emotional support.

There are times when I look at Leo, and I just find it odd, that I have this furry, living thing in my house. And I don't feel close to him in the way "pet people" seem close to their companions.

But I don't think it's accurate to suggest I've gotten nothing from the "relationship".

But I still would give him away in a second if it meant getting my own parking space. Gotta be honest on that front.

But anyway...

I'm getting down towards the end of The Watcher's Guide (Vol II)).

When I started, I was just reading it for fun, basically, but as I've gotten past the episode guide and quotable quotes, and am working my way through interviews with all the tech people and their various and sundry assistants, I've started to feel like "this is good for me" (I could tell, because I was starting to find it boring); When I'm on my first tv set, it might be nice if I had at least some sense of how things worked (That's a big concern of mine, getting a gig and being so nervous/clueless that I get myself fired).

Overlapping a bit with The Watcher's Guide, I've started reading Empire Falls, by Richard Russo.

Years ago, when I saw the movie Nobody's Fool, with Paul Newman, and really enjoyed it, everyone I mentioned it to who had read the book, by Mr Russo, said, "Oh, you should really read the book. It's so much better than the movie...".

But I never did (Another guy I've never read, someone I've been told is very funny, is Bill Bryson. But he's on my list).

I was only a few pages into Empire Falls when I thought, "I'm really going to enjoy this..."; I feel like I'm in the hands of a really great storyteller.

After Empire Falls, I think I'm going to check out Lovely Bones. It's getting stellar reviews, and I'm intrigued by the narrative device; The story is told from the perspective of a murdered 14 year old girl (I know--It sounds a little grim, but I guess it's not).

And on that note, it's past time for me to get cracking on Backstage West.

 

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