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2:26 pm - Sat 4/23/05
A Little Note From Your Uncle Jim

A Little Note From Your Uncle Jim

Here's an "offline" version of my last entry...

I got the call on Tuesday about "Under Milkwood".

I didn't get it.

But at least they called. That was nice.

I was disappointed, because...well, because I want to get everything I audition for. Who likes to lose, after all?

But truthfully? I think Under Milkwood would have been way too "artsy" for me (This should have clued me in: At the callback, as I read the second piece they gave me, I thought to myself, "Wow...this is really... boring"). I've never been much for poetry, and what is "Under Milkwood", really, but an epic poem?

(You might ask, "Jim, if you're 'not much for poetry', why would you audition for a Dylan Thomas thing in the first place?". To which I would respond, "Hey, shut up!")

I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I've known it for years--I don't really have any interest in creating high-falutin' "art". Never have.

High-quality entertainment, on the other hand? I'm always up for creating some of that.

But even though it's not that big a deal losing out on Under Milkwood, because I'm really more enthused about the thing coming up on Sunday (The Uptempo Productions season of The Music Man, To Gillian On Her 37th Birthday, and Beyond Therapy), something about it has thrown me into a little bit of an emotional tailspin. I don't know why...

I think maybe it's the idea that I can "decide" it's time to act again, I can "decide" to prioritize my "career" over my job at Borders, I can "decide" this is the year I get the big commercial bookings that launch me as a full-time actor, but those "decisions" seem pretty meaningless when I send out headshot after headshot with no result, when audition after audition it's "close, but no cigar", when I need commercial auditions to get commercial bookings, and the commercial auditions stop coming (I've had two commercial auditions so far this month, neither of which went particularly well, and we're moving into the "slow time of the year").

But what is there to do? Just keep moving, I guess. And take heart in the fact that, when I do go out there, I'm usually pretty competitive (200 actors auditioned for "Milkwood", I was told, and seven got callbacks). And while "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades", and nobody pays you for almost booking the gig, all the callbacks and close calls (Not to mention the fact that I do actually book things from time-to-time) suggests that I'm not crazy for thinking I can make it out here. I just have to stick it out.

And really...where else do I have to go?

Even as I write this, I'm feeling stressed and anxious and a little depressed...I want to do this (Write this entry) and feel it's important, but I also need to go to Samuel French and pick up that copy of Beyond Therapy. And I'm skipping enough workout days for it to not do me that much good when I actually do lift some weights up and down (It has to be a workout routine for anything to happen). And the eight pounds it took me a month-and-a-half to lose took exactly two weeks to put back on, and I don't even know how that happened, and now I'm back to eating a sandwich or a yogurt or a bowl of cereal every half-hour or so. And I have to work this afternoon. And I'm always, oppresively, tired�I can talk about all the things I want/need to do, but what I want more than anything else right now is to go to bed and actually sleep.

This is not helping...I'm going to go to Samuel French and pick up that play...

Okay, that might have been really boring, since you got all that pretty much in my last entry.

But if you're a student of me the way I am, I think the difference between the offline entry and the entry I posted is...instructive.


Starting to look forward to tomorrow's audition.

It's in Burbank, a pretty fair distance from my current location. But I've got a sweet parking space on the "Thursday" side of the street, and all the time in the world to get there--the audition starts at 2:00 p.m.--so I'm going to either ride my bicycle or "Go Metro".

I enjoyed my outing to Cary and Kay's on Thursday.

Cary's parents, Bruce and Janet, were visiting, and had asked to see my commercials, which was fun for me--It's not exactly "art" (I'm not even sure it's acting for the most part), but at least it's concrete evidence that I've done something out here (And they seemed to get a kick out of seeing them).

It was also fun to see Donovan (Who I almost called "Duncan" just now. Weird...).

When you see a baby every couple of months, it's pretty amazing the changes from visit to visit. But he's healthy, he's adorable, and I find myself, more than ever, hoping there'll be some occasions where I can help them out by being "Uncle Jim".

Adding to the fun of the visit, Cary loaded me up with Seasons 3 and 4 of Buffy, along with the first and only season of Wonderfalls.

And he kept my commercials, because he now has the ability to "digitize" them all, and put them on a dvd for me!

Pretty cool, huh?

But it's time for work...


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