8:13 am - 12.19.2012
This is one of those times where, when I've let so much time go by without writing, it's really hard to catch up.
The big story in the news has been the latest school shooting, at an Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut (Where 20 children and six teachers were killed).
I'm never unaffected by these things, but for whatever reason, this one has hit me particularly hard.
But I don't want to make this entry all about this...so I'll just say, this tragedy makes me realize I need to make my voice heard on gun violence (And I don't mean by crying about it on Facebook, or fighting about it with conservatives like my brother Tony, but by making calls and writing letters and making politicians do what they're supposed to do, instead of bending over for the NRA).
You don't just accept living in a world where you need to post armed guards at elementary schools so kids won't be murdered by gun-wielding psychos.
Well, I didn't book the Mio commercial.
The "avail" was for the 12-14 (Meaning the shoot could have been any one of those days), and JS emailed me the bad news on Tuesday.
By that time, I'd basically given up hope - The callback was the previous Wednesday, so when we got to the weekend and I still hadn't heard, I knew the score ("The Other Guy" 1, Yours Truly zip) - but it was still nice, I guess, to get definitive word and be "off the hook".
I'd thought that might be my last audition for the year, but I had another on Friday, a regional for 5th 3rd Bank.
It was fun (I liked the character I was going in to play) - though being a dialogue-heavy spot, I wished I'd had more time with it (The "sides" for commercials are almost never available till you actually get to the audition).
I did pretty well, considering, but callbacks (If I get one) won't be till the New Year.
And while I'm still holding out hope for one last audition, that's probably "all she wrote" for 2012.
(Not quite prepared to do the "Year End Wrap-Up" yet...but clearly, the year is "wrapping up", whether I like it or not.)
My American Horror Story episode was on this past Wednesday.
It was such a small bit that I didn't make that much effort to get people to see it, and I didn't bother watching it myself.
But some people did see it, of course, and they "piqued my curiosity" about seeing it myself.
That's when I realized I hadn't just "not bothered" watching because "it was such a small bit"; more than most other things I've done, I was actively nervous about watching it.
Most times, when I do whatever-scene-it-is, it's something I can "relate" to from real life...but I've never walked into a church sanctuary before and seen a real person nailed to the cross - That's pretty much "uncharted territory".
And it's pretty much that single moment of discovery - It's not like I can watch and say, "Well, the first bit didn't go so well, but the bit right after that was pretty nice...". I either made the moment work, or I didn't, and if I didn't, there's nothing to do about it. It's just...there.
Anyway, it's going to be on again on Wednesday night at 2 am, so I plan to DVR it and see what I think.
I've told a couple people that, while this year didn't go as well as I'd hoped, and I will have to book something early in the New Year to compensate (I'd better book something in the new year to compensate!), it'll be nice to have my Southland episode airing in February - To me, it'll be "last year's success", the money spent months before, but to my "tens of fans", it'll be like I'm kicking ass in the beginning of the year.
Actual success - as evidenced by bookings and money and quality of work (The roles I do, and the shows I get to do them on) - is of course, very important to me, but so is "the perception of success".
What's intriguing to me about that, though, is that people generally see me as being more of a "success" than I do...and often, that makes me feel uncomfortable and "misunderstood", and ultimately, kind of alone.
So clearly, since I can't change what other people think - and don't want to, really - I need to work on changing what I think.
Well, since I'm not nuts about the holiday season, I'm happy to report this holiday season, like last year, has moved quickly for me - "Suddenly" Xmas is next week, and I will be happy to move past it, and New Years, and, hopefully back into a normal/good rhythm of auditions and bookings (Auditions tailing off is one reason I don't much care for the holidays).
Tues 12/18/12 (7:42 am)
I actually wrote that last paragraph just now, and it's time for me to start getting ready for work.
There's more to say about the holidays and what-all, but it'll have to wait for next time (I want to post this, not because it's such a great entry, but just to get back into the habit of not letting "entries" sit around forever - like "avails", my journal entries seem to get more stale the longer I wait to post them.
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