12:18 pm - Sun 7.04.2010
"Jim, it wouldn't be like this if you lived here - It's like this because you left."
I had to remind myself of that fact when I was back in Lansing, enjoying the attention and affection of friends and well-wishers.
I had a great time in Lansing. The concerns I'd had going in never materialized (Or were negligible), it was very gratifying to be coming back thinner and more successful than the last time I visited, and it was wonderful - and very meaningful - to be reminded that I have a lot of people "pulling for me" as I do what I'm trying to do out here in LA.
And it was great to feel comfortable, and relaxed, and have people be so happy to see me, and want to spend time with me. And to have the time we spent together be so much fun.
(A weird, but maybe not so weird, thing I noticed the week I was in Lansing - I was hilarious. Funnier than I've been in years; funnier than I was after spending $600 and ten weeks taking a stand-up comedy class. So funny that if I could get the guy I was back in Lansing for that week onstage in LA, I'd do very well for myself as a stand-up.)
It was nice, for a week, not to struggle - with career issues, with loneliness, or even with weight/eating issues (One "concern" I'd had going in was being "out of my 'controlled environment'", regarding food choices and what-have-you. But I ended up losing weight while I was there; turns out, Mark and Jane are pretty great "Weight Watchers" without trying, while I need to exercise a lot more control over my "controlled environment").
I had a great time.
Cause I was in "Vacation Land".
Which, I realized recently, is basically what I want life to be like.
But nobody misses you if you never go away.
And nobody's impressed with you if you never try to do anything.
I miss Lansing. I miss my friends. I miss the theater there (Which seems to have gotten better since I've been away...which I'm trying not to take too personally).
And it was easy, being who I am, to start comparing my wonderful week in Lansing to my sometimes-less-than-wonderful life here in LA.
But that's "apples and oranges", cause I wasn't really in "Lansing" a couple weeks ago - I was in "Vacation Land".
And the motto in "Vacation Land" is "All fun, all the time".
In "Lansing", I was often bored, and lonely, and emotionally/creatively stagnant. It wasn't a terrible life, by any means - I had people I cared about and things I enjoyed - but I also had the distinct feeling that things were pretty much as good as they were going to get for me.
And in "Lansing", I could never escape the knowledge that I was avoiding something. Something big.
Life in LA isn't always exciting and fun...but it does feel like I'm doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing, instead of ducking it.
And unlike how I felt in Lansing, here in LA, there's a very real possibility, on any given day, of something happening that really will make my life "better".
Besides, if I'd never left Lansing for LA, I'd never have gotten to go back home to play the role of "Local Boy Made Good".
And that was pretty cool.
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