11:49 AM - Mon 7.27.20
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Well, color me furious - Just lost an entry I've been writing for the better part of the past two hours (Unlike last time this happened, where I mistakenly closed the tab, this time suddenly everything I'd written, in a second, was highlighted and instantly deleted. It seems like I somehow rested the heels of my hands on the laptop the wrong way for a second, but I'm still not sure what the fuck happened).

Thought the main task this morning would be to go to the credit union and deposit my current Unemployment money, then head over to Jane's.

But I woke up, turned on the TV, and became engrossed in a documentary, They Came To Play, about the 2007 Van Cliburn Competition and suddenly felt inspired to write.

(After the Van Cliburn documentary, the next documentary, A Dog Named Gucci, about an animal cruelty case that started a movement to strengthen animal cruelty laws across the country, was so engrossing I oriented myself toward the TV as I wrote...the unintended "first draft" that just went into the ether. And I don't typically watch TV or listen to music when I write. I just write. But anyway...).

Jane is here for bout another week.

I haven't traveled nearly as much as she has (Though thanks to her, I've traveled quite a bit over the course of the documentary - back and forth to Sante Fe, to Michigan, and to West Virginia. And then there was the trip to Albuquerque for Better Call Saul) but she's mentioned something of an "inner conflict" where she wants to stay here longer but at the same time misses home and her cats and is eager to go back (She will have to "self-quarantine" for two weeks once she gets there. But she has a spacious home she really enjoys and can do the lion's share of her work on the documentary from there, so that's no big deal).

I feel like I "get it".

On my end, I've often struggled, in the midst of an enjoyable trip (Like the one to Michigan, for example), not to start feeling melancholy before it's over because the end is approaching.

I feel like that speaks, in part, to my struggle over the years to "Be here now".

So I'm going to try not to be melancholy about Jane leaving until she actually leaves - I've got her for another week, so I feel like I should wait till after that before I start missing her.

At this point, in terms of the documentary, we're trying to coordinate with Seth, our DP, to shoot some stuff that, while not necessarily the end of the film, will at least go towards the end of the film (He's actually been working out-of-state, so has had some other things to attend to. But Jane's growing concerned about making it happen in a timely fashion, due to the whole "being here for just one more week" thing...though, at the same time, she's suggested her "departure" isn't written-in-stone if she has to stay another couple days to get what she needs to get.

Tues 7/28/20 (11:49 am)

(On hold with the IRS - Received notice that I need to verify my ID because of a possible fraudulent claim - so we'll see if I can write while hold music and intermittently recorded announcements are playing in my ear...)

Well, seems Jane's concerns about getting the shoot I mentioned done "in a timely fashion" (i.e. this week) were warranted - Seth texted her yesterday to say the shoot he's on has held him over, and he won't be available till next week (And only three days of that).

This was not happy news - Jane's dropped a boatload of (her own) money on this project (And she's not done yet), so another, unplanned week in LA is extra financial stress she didn't need, to say the least (And I'd say - and this is just me talking - it's gotta feel different, in her situation, to decide you need to spend extra money on this-or-that, versus having it imposed on you by circumstances beyond your control).

But among her many other admirable qualities, Jane is resilient as all get-out, so in very short order, she had set herself up at a new Air B&B for next week, and we hung out the rest of the day, doing not much of anything (In the evening, we did have a little "adventure", going to what I thought of afterward as "The bombed-out" Target on Beverly, then having a late dinner basically in the Sizzler parking lot near my place, which was great fun).

(And in the middle of that last paragraph, I made contact with the IRS - I'm happy to say, verifying that I am me was not as arduous a process as I'd feared. So now - or, more accurately, in a little more than two months - a tasty refund will be deposited in my credit union checking account.)

So where was I...?

While Seth being unavailable this week doesn't take any money out of my pocket (And actually gives me "a little extra Jane", which is nice), I was nevertheless, also kinda bummed by the news.

I think a large part of that was vicarious upset on Jane's behalf (Logically, I know it's not my "fault" that she's spending money hand-over-fist on this project - money she has no guarantee of ever getting back - but I sometimes harbor a vague sense of "guilt" about it nevertheless).

But I've also, during the time Jane's been here, been eager to get to the part of shooting that kinda/sorta feels like "performing" (And for the three of us to watch the current cut of the film together) - I enjoyed when we recorded the voiceovers because it felt like I was "working", but have been expecting to enjoy the next thing we were scheduled to do even more...and this is now the second time it's gotten put off.

But it'll happen.

And in the meantime, Jane is figuring out other stuff we can do in the interim.

Beyond that, there will undoubtedly be more time spent hanging out (Her new place will be walking-distance from me, which I like).

And to quote the late Kurt Vonnegut's Uncle Alex, "If this isn't nice, I don't know what nice is".

Till next time...

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