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9:46 am - 11.30.2012
Taking The Wi

Taking The Win

(Watching Nashville, which had a very promising debut. But now I'm only still on board because of Connie Britton, the big reason I gave the show a look in the first place. Anyway...)

My Southland shoot was yesterday, "on location" at a pawnshop in Hollywood (With "base camp" a parking lot behind the old Sears store near Santa Monica and Western, a mile or two from my apartment).

I was very happy to see Dave S.'s name on the call sheet (We'd been paired together for the audition); I'd assumed we were both cast, because they had clearly enjoyed our chemistry together, but "you don't know till you know"...if you know what I mean.

Call time was 6:00 am, and things moved pretty briskly (So it didn't really matter that my "trailer" was a tiny "honey wagon" smaller than my closet
at home); We were on the set at 7:00, and our stuff was done by about 9:30.

Everyone seemed pretty happy with what we got, but I wasn't surprised when Dave said afterward that it hadn't felt as good as it had in the audition room, cause I felt the same way.

I often feel that way, truth-to-tell. And it's hard for me to get at why that is.

I think part of it is just "perceptual". When we did the scene in the audition room, we had an "audience" of a half-dozen or so people responding to what we were doing. And there's a certain excitement when you're auditioning and it goes well that just isn't there when you're "making the sausage", so to speak.

But there's also "more to deal with" when you're actually doing the scene, and it both makes the scene harder to do, and actually changes the scene.

But all that said, everybody seemed happy with what they got, I was happy to be there, and I'm getting paid, so I'd say it was a pretty successful outing, all-in-all.

And as I write this, I'm reminded again that how I feel about a given thing is not really the point; it's nice if I feel good about what I've done, don't get me wrong, but I don't really know how it went till you see it.


I've been crying to anyone who'll listen that "I really need to book a commercial", and in the past week or so, I'm certainly getting my chances.

Since last Tuesday, I've had commercial auditions for Audi, Volkswagen, and Geico (I signed a NDA - "Non-Disclosure Agreement" - for Geico, so I don't know if I'm even supposed to tell you it happened, but to honor at least the spirit of the agreement, "mum's the word" on the details).

I don't know if they're all still "in play" or not..but since I don't know, I might as well assume they are.

At least for now.

The other thing I don't know about this triumvirate of commercials, of course, is which one will run the most, and thus, make the actors in it in most money...but based on what I would get to do in each spot, I'd be most excited about booking for Geico.


(10:14 pm)

I just deleted a good chunk of what I'd written for the second part of this entry, because it veered off in a direction I wasn't happy about.

It veered off into me being unhappy and anxious because I recently sent out big commission checks to my Manager and Agent, which "ratcheted up my 'fiscal anxiety' a couple notches" (In short, "I'm afraid I'm running out of money").

And the fact that 25% of my theatrical earnings are eaten-up by commissions (While "only" 18% of commercial earnings) is a problem. An ongoing problem.

But by letting myself be "diverted" by this vexing and unhappy issue, I cut off the satisfaction and happiness I should be experiencing right now.

I just booked and shot an episode of Southland, a good scene on a well-respected show, and there's all kinds of reasons that's a good thing; I made money, I had fun, I have another credit on my resume, and people are going to see and be entertained by something I did when they see it on television.

And while it is understandable that I wrestle with anxiety over my finances - I'd be insane if I didn't have some concerns in that department - it's simply perverse to play down the fact that, in addition to shooting Southland, I have had three commercial auditions in 8 days time, any one of which (So far as I know) I could still end up booking.

(I could get a callback for one of those spots next week, book it, shoot it, and be set for the coming year. That's very possible, which I know because it's happened before. Many times, as a matter of fact.)

If I can't feel celebratory (about Southland) and hopeful (about the commercial auditions) in the here-and- now, when can I?

I need to do what I have told members at WW to do when they downplay a success at the scale: I need to "take the win!".


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