11:43 am - Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003
Why I Write, And Why You Read It

Do you ever read something, and think, "I know I didn't write that, but I sure could have"?

Some days when I feel particularly melodramatic I feel cursed, marked as Other, Unlovable � that the universe or whatever vague higher power that I don�t really believe in has brought this upon me for the hubris of having dared to love and I cry myself to sleep convinced that I have been doomed to walk this earth alone and always wanting what I cannot have. On less melodramatic days, however, I allow myself an occasional glimmer of hope, the rare belief that it�s not too late, that I�m not doomed to forever play out the scripts that are all I�ve ever really known, that I can never change. I don�t really know how to begin. But maybe I can just start by reading different books.

That's from Diarylander "Persephone74", but boy does it sound familiar...!

And I think that, in a nutshell, is the appeal of online journaling, whether as a writer, or a reader, or both (I imagine most online journalers, or "bloggers", or whatever they're called, also read other online journals. I do--I follow along with five journals right now--and all the journalers I read do as well); You read someone's journal, and something in it speaks to you, letting you know that in your joy, your confusion, your pain, your whatever, that you're not alone.

And as a writer, what lets me know that I'm not alone, that I have something to say, that my "story" is of some interest to others, is the simple fact that I have an "audience". I continue to marvel that people actually read what I write, that they're following the "story of my life" as I live it (On average, I get about 25 "hits" a day). It's kind of strange, and exciting, and embarrassing, and sometimes it's just fun. I've always found myself kind of "interesting", but I've been surprised to find out that other people do too! :)

I think most of the people who read my journal probably know me from "real life", but I've gotten some responses from people who just followed this or that link, or wondered who else in Diaryland liked Stevie Ray Vaughan, or some such thing, and found something they responded to, for whatever reason.

My assumption? There might be people who read my journal because my life is "exotic" to them--It's interesting that I was a foster child, or that I'm trying to become a professional actor at midlife, or whatever--but I'm guessing that the majority of people are following along in here, not because we're so different, not because my life is so strange to them, but because at some level, we're so alike.

But I could be wrong...

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