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8:52 am - Wed 3/13/02 Yesterday, looking back on it, did not seem like an especially good day for Yours Truly... I had my epic struggle with the groceries in the morning. Then at work, things were basically all right...until THE CUSTOMER FROM HELL. This person had called the store a couple weeks back, spoken to me, and to make a long story short, it didn't go well for either of us (She was looking for a book, was insistent her friend had gotten the book at our store, and became very frustrated and angry with me when I couldn't come up with it, either as an item we carried, or as something on Books in Print. And I have to admit, when she became frustrated and angry with ME, I lost a little of my professional demeanor and became frustrated and angry with HER. But anyway...). It was sort of funny, in a way; Neither of us knew immediately who we were talking to this second time. Then it dawned on us (First on me, and then on her) that we were who we were, and she was instantly on me AGAIN. She became abusive--She said I'd offered to order the book for her, though it was like "pulling teeth" to get me to do it. But why would I have offered to order the book, or have actually ordered the book (Which is what she was checking on this time), when I never FOUND the book? Anyway, I felt my temper start to go, so I suggested she talk to Padric, which she very enthusiastically accepted, anxious to vent about how awful I was and how I should be fired. Padric couldn't find the book either (Because she's obviously made a MISTAKE). And while he didn't side with her on how awful I am, I didn't hear any SUPPORT for me either, either on the phone with her or to me afterwards (That's the Padric I know and love, who really shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a managerial position. I just have a feeling all he really knows about people is what he's read in books or seen in a movie). After work, I went to the shitty Blockbuster store near my apartment...and they wouldn't let me rent a video with my gift card (The gift card Kevin gave me, which expires this month). For whatever reason, the card has NEVER scanned in their computer, but they've accepted it. (Hate to leave off in the middle of this exciting tale, but it's time for work...) (End) Now where WAS I...? I wanted to rent a video, and as always, my card left the clerk flustered. He got the assistant manager, and after I said what I always say at this point, "The card doesn't scan, for some reason. It never has", he scanned the card ANYWAY, and when it-shockingly!-didn't SCAN, he told me there was nothing he could do, that they didn't have any way to know if the card was good, and they couldn't just give me "free rentals". What followed was a SPIRITED discussion. I don't understand why the card has never scanned. I don't know what they have to do to get AROUND that, but the fact is, they ACCEPTED the card, and silly me, once they accepted the card, I sort of thought I was entitled to USE the card, until such time as it either expired, or I used up the twenty rentals. The discussion ended unsatisfactorily, with me suggesting that this was perhaps the worst run store I'd ever dealt with, and stalking out. ANYWAY (And I'm kinda getting bored with this story as I'm telling it, so I can only imagine how YOU feel), I ended up talking to the manager yesterday, who basically said the same thing. Again, the conversation ended up with me stalking out. (Just got off the phone with the regional manager; Apparently, this Blockbuster doesn't accept the card I had. They only deal with gift cards that have money amounts on them, not "20 free rentals". The card Kevin gave me, according to them, was something that's supposed to be used at the store it was purchased at. They had--Mistakenly, I guess--been "comping" me up till now. I still don't really GET it-And still think that if you accepted the card, you accepted the card, if you know what I mean--but there it is.) Not the biggest of big deals, but VERY frustrating. And for whatever reason, the kind of thing that's a big "button pusher" for me. But now that's over. And I'm not tied down to a shitty video store that never had anything I wanted ANYWAY (If I absolutely HAVE to go to a BLOCKBUSTER in the future, there's one on Wilshire, right on the way to work, that is much larger and, I have to assume, better run. There's also a Hollywood Video, also on Wilshire, that's within walking distance). (And if anyone has picked up on my "reversal of fortune", from being the put-upon bookstore clerk to being the frustrated video store CUSTOMER, I picked up on that TOO.) Well, as long as we seem to be working a theme of frustration and annoyance here... I got home from work yesterday, and what should be in my mailbox but another notice for a delinquent TICKET! ARRRRGGGHHH!!! This one goes back to the second week of last month, when the car was at Gustavo's; He'd parked it on the street by his shop, apparently, and got ticketed. It's for $30 now, $63 after the 25th. It's like "Night of the Living Dead"; This car continues to reach out from the grave, trying to suck the financial life out of me. I'm going to call the parking bureau, though I KNOW what they're going to say--"The car was in your name, so you're responsible"--then call Gustavo. (Which reminds me; I should call the Hawthorne Police and check on that OTHER ticket. And also call Gregg, and see if there have been any Tercel developments.) OKAY...It's been an annoying couple days, and I feel kinda tired and crappy. But the annoyance has passsed, or will pass, and I almost ALWAYS feel tired and crappy these days, so that's not news, so we're going to move on... Today, before logging on, I worked on "Crossing the Line". I was happy with myself for doing that. (Next, I want to be happy with myself for checking "Backstage", and getting some headshots out). _________________________________________________ Took a quick break to make my various phone calls. Here's the news at a glance--No Tercel yet, and both tickets have been PAID. Without actually reading the BOOKS, a number of book TITLES have been providing me inspiration and "food for thought" these days. Two immediately come to mind--"The Power of Now" and "You Already Know What To Do". When I think about it, a great deal of my unhappiness at any given time concerns either being angry at myself for whatever mistakes I've made that have led to where I am now (Alone, poor, and unfulfilled with life), or else fears about the future...where basically, I'm afraid I'll continue to be alone, poor, and unfulfilled with life, only then I'll be waxing nostalgic about "the good old days", when I was working at Borders making $7.50 an hour and breathing without the aid of an iron lung. I wouldn't say "now" always feels GREAT, but it usually isn't really terrible EITHER, and whatever it is, it's ALL there is. The past is gone, the future hasn't happened, and as I've said before, I've proven really BAD at foreseeing what's to come ANYWAY. And the idea that "You already know what to do" has been in my thoughts for a long time, especially lately. I've always suspected, for example, that no one ever really wants advice who doesn't, at some level, already know what they want to do. I know I hear my "inner voice" all the time telling me things. And it isn't always telling me "Go have a donut", or "Run naked through the bookstore"; Sometimes it's telling me things like "Now's a good time to make that call you were thinking about making," or "Before you log on, you should read over your script," or, "You know you want to make this move. You're just AFRAID". It can be hard to find my "authentic inner voice" amidst the huge amount of static. But it's there. And the idea that if I just relax, and listen, and have the courage to act upon the things I already KNOW, I'm not going to go too far wrong, is a very powerful, encouraging idea to me.
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