11:09 am - Mon 1.30.2012
The date was Saturday night.
As I often do when I have an appointment, I left my apartment much earlier than necessary (Especially unnecessary in this case, since I knew where I was going - basically across the street from the Weight Watchers store on Beverly - it's not far away, and I knew I could park in one of the Weight Watchers spaces, and wouldn't be driving around, trying to find parking. But anyway...).
Got a call from Patti while in the car, saying she was running slightly late. So I parked, bought some gum at a nearby market, and walked a couple blocks down the street and back, before settling in in front of Milk (Where we were meeting) to wait for her.
She was maybe ten minutes late - no big deal - and I was surprised I spotted her from blocks away (Considering it was dark and I hadn't actually met her yet - I'd only seen the one headshot-style photo on the website...but I did also know she was on the short side).
I'm uncomfortable writing this, but when I saw her, I was disappointed; she looked older than her photo, and was heavier than I'd imagined (When we talked on the phone, one thing we'd discussed was how we'd both be uncomfortable having a relationship with someone who wasn't "successfully managing" their weight/food issues, in part because it would make it more challenging to manage our own).
But while I wasn't physically attracted to her, she was nice - smart and funny - and the conversation was easy, so it wasn't like I was itching to cut-and-run or anything like that.
We were at Milk for maybe 45 minutes, then it was time to catch the movie.
Bringing Up Baby was great fun (I actually can't recall if I've ever seen it before in its entirety); I fell in love with Hepburn's character, all the while knowing she would drive me crazy in real life - "the magic of the movies", I guess - and I was impressed once again with the lightning-fast pace of "screwball comedy".
They were also showing the movie Holiday (They show "double features" at the New Beverly), and I knew I'd never seen that one, but we'd only talked about seeing "Baby" beforehand, and seeing both movies would have made it a later night than I was up for anyway (Having to get up relatively early on Sunday for WW).
There wasn't much "afterward" afterward - I walked her to her car a couple blocks away, and we chatted about the movie and whatnot on the way.
She had offered to drive me back to my car, but I said it was all right (I would have felt silly having her drive me four blocks, back the way we came), so we said our goodbyes, and that was it.
No hugs, no kisses, no suggestion "we should do this again sometime".
I wrote that last part not to communicate that the evening ended "coldly" or "awkwardly" or anything like that, but to absolve myself of guilt - She's a perfectly nice person, and it was a perfectly nice evening, but I'm not going to call her again...because I don't want to have sex with her.
That makes me feel bad - I know from loads of experience that rejection sucks - and I feel shallow for rejecting her entirely because she didn't do anything for me physically (Cause who am I, after all? George Clooney?).
But what can I say? I want to desire someone, and for that person to know I desire them, and for them to desire me in return.
I still want that as "part of the package"...as increasingly unlikely as it seems.
20 years of being alone makes me think, "Maybe I should just settle on anyone who seems okay with me. Maybe that's the best I can hope for at this point".
But I find that idea profoundly depressing.
Well, at least I didn't "lead her on", so...three cheers for me?
(Hopefully, she'll have had the same response to me - "Nice guy, but the last thing I'd want to do is have sex with him" - and it'll be "no harm, no foul".)
Had the callback today for Comcast.
They brought me in with two other actors - "Cops" to my "Robber" - and it didn't really feel like anything "gelled" (Though the director was interested enough to actually give us a little direction, so there's that).
I left feeling kind of bummed, because I felt better about the initial audition than today's callback, but who knows?
I've been wrong before, after all.
But I don't think I am this time.
The Austin & Ally wrap party was Sunday, at Pinz, a bowling alley in Studio City.
It was scheduled from 4:00-8:00 pm, and I went after working at Weight Watchers - going home briefly first - which meant I got there around 4:15 or so.
With the novelty of "my first wrap party", I forgot something - I don't like parties.
Well, that might be over-stating things a bit - Let's just say it's been awhile since I had a great time in a "party situation".
Particularly one where I'm not really close to anyone there, and it's loud, and I can't really talk, and I think to myself, "I'd feel less alone if I were home by myself right now...".
It struck me that, while I'm definitely a part of the show now, my three episodes meant being on the set for a total of about one week, spread out over a couple months time (Which is probably why, now that I think about it I didn't see any other "Recurring" folks there - They realized they didn't really belong there, and stayed home).
I wondered around for a bit - saying hello as various people recognized me - feeling very tempted to over-indulge in the food (Particularly easy to do when I feel "socially awkward"), and eventually got some bowling shoes, and ended up playing with Sam (Who I think is one of the Producers) and his daughter Sammy.
We played a couple games, with a break at one point to watch a thing the crew put together for the party, along with the "blooper reel".
I played one game by myself while Sam and his daughter took a break, then he came back and we played one more game, then they left.
I left shortly after that, after talking briefly to the show's creators and the director of two of my three episodes (I wanted to catch the casting director - who I'd seen earlier, but I didn't want to interrupt the conversation she was having at the time - but she'd already left).
One nice thing emerged from the party - It's not official yet, but the show is almost certainly guaranteed to have a second season, and I was told, more than once, that I would definitely be a part of it (One of the writers told me, "You're a fixture at the 'Mall of Miami' now" - where a lot of the show takes place - "whether you like it or not". I told him, "I like it a lot").
So it was cool, all-in-all. I got some free pizza (About 16 PointsPlus worth, for any Weight Watchers out there), got in some free bowling, and got assurances that, come the new season, there's more Austin and Ally in my future.
And on that note, I should hit the sack - In addition to Weight Watchers tomorrow, I have an audition for a web-series, as a 16th-century "Doctor" who's none-too-fond of witches - and dream of all my acting success to come...
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