9:59 pm - Fri 8.31.2012
Confucius Says

Earlier, I was watching this week's So You Think You Can Dance, but I couldn't concentrate, because something was telling me to write in here instead.

So here I am.

Have been struggling with anxious/panicky thoughts...and by "struggling", I do mean "struggling", as in "Trying not to give in, become overwhelmed, and turn into a total basket case, babbling incoherently while laying in my own filth".

Part of my upset about this recent turn of events - The Shameless thing, and the other thing - would be happening regardless of how things were going otherwise; it sucks to think you have a place - however small - on a show (After years of one-shot, nothing parts) only to discover you really don't.

It's a blow to my actor-ly self-esteem, which has gotten pretty beat-up over the past decade or so.

It also sucks when a production roasts you on a spit of indecision for three weeks, finally tells you you booked the job...then pulls the rug out from under you (For the uninitiated - For the small roles I'm typically up for on tv, three weeks is a very long time to wait).

But this is August, when virtually nothing's happened so far in 2012 (NCIS was cool, but as Confucius says, "Actor cannot live on single NCIS appearance alone").

Getting the call for Shameless had made me feel hopeful things were "revving up" - as I said before, I expected I'd get "at least" as many episodes as this past season, and hoped for more - and that "revving up" feeling was accentuated by booking NCIS and "the other thing" within the same month.

Then no Shameless. No "other thing". No "revving up".

Just me starting to panic that I haven't managed to make anything happen, and we're in the last quarter of the year.

But I'm not destitute - not yet, anyway - and there's a solid three months left for me to "make some magic".

But I sure wouldn't mind if something good happened, and soon...because I'm starting to get a little "panicky" about Austin & Ally; when I auditioned for Lab Rats Thursday - A Disney show, like A&A - I saw that A&A is back in production, and feeling fragile as I am right now, I'm worrying they're not going to need me this coming season either.

It was a pretty unhappy surprise as you might imagine, and at a time when I'm feeling financially uncertain, a middle-aged actor who's starting to fear "there's nowhere to go but down", a surprise expense, not to mention a demonstration of aging and decay, is particularly unwelcome.

But here we are - Welcome to "Not My Best Week Ever".

Well, there's more I wanted to write about - like recently seeing a friend's girlfriend naked - but while I did start this early enough to write something - "Yay me!" on that front - I didn't start it early enough to write everything (Particularly not when I have to get up at quarter-to-six tomorrow).

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