9:47 pm - Mon 12/12/11
A Nice Worry To Have

Seems I always start entries these days by saying "I had all day to do this...", and chastising myself for all the time wasted doing I-don't-know-what instead.

But today I had an excuse; don't know if it was my computer or the Internet or both, but for a good portion of the day web pages were loading super-slowly - or not at all - and I was afraid if I tried to write an entry, it would just disappear into the ether.

Anyway...it's been a very long, lonely, boring day.

When I woke up and realized it was raining, I was actually happy - Since I didn't have to work, and I didn't have any big errands scheduled (Beyond going to the credit union to deposit a couple small residual checks), I thought nothing could be nicer than to have a ready-made excuse to stay in and do nothing.

But doing "nothing" proved unsatisfying; time weighed heavy on my hands, particularly with the Internet issues I mentioned earlier (I've said it before and I'll say it again - I definitely have an "Internet addiction").

Beyond briefly chatting with Howard online this morning, then exchanging a few Facebook comments with Kelly W. this evening, I've spent the day completely alone, unable to sleep, yet too tired to really concentrate on anything (I did do a few little household chores - the trash, the dishes, two loads of laundry - but not nearly enough to feel virtuous about it).

I did start reading The Comedy Bible, a book I bought the day of my Rob callback, but hadn't cracked till now (It's a book on doing stand-up...so apparently, I still harbor at least $20 worth of interest in the subject. The book is also the second book on stand-up comedy I've purchased entitled The Comedy Bible).

So anyway, by and large, this day was a waste.

Moving on...shot my third episode of Austin and Ally this past week.

I was contracted for three days, so I assumed I was going to work for three days, but I actually only worked two (Should have seen that coming, come to think of it, because I only worked two days on the last episode).

(This is all about them "hedging their bets". See, the first time they cast me, they screwed up - thinking they wanted me for just two days, they offered the two-day rate. Then when they realized they needed me for another day, they had to pay the higher single-day rate - so now they always offer the cheaper three-day rate; then if they use me for three days, they save something like $500, while if they only use me for two days, they're only out about $200 over the two-day rate.)

Wednesday was all right - that was "rehearsal day" - but Thursday, when we actually started shooting, was not much fun.

It was very tedious - I spent a good chunk of time being my own stand-in, which was really boring - and I went from hurting in the morning because of all the time I spent sitting (pretending to be asleep) to hurting in the afternoon because of all the time I spent standing (the episode centers around a group of people camping out, waiting in line for something).

And while it wasn't a super-long day in tv terms, it was a very long day for me (Almost 12 hours from my call time till we wrapped); I spent most of the day tired, bored, and physically hurting to some degree.

And because it wasn't a very pleasant day, I gave in to temptation, and threw Weight Watchers out the window...which then made me feel bad on that level (The best thing I can say for myself, food-wise? I did manage to pass on dessert...because I felt the need to punish myself for my over-indulgence up to that point).

It's very upsetting to me when a day on the set is "difficult" - I look on my acting jobs as a brief respite from my lackluster existence, so it's tough when they actually kinda suck - but realistically, acting is my job now, and no one enjoys their job all the time.

This was episode #14 (My previous episodes were #5 and #8). They're taking a break soon for the holidays, but when they come back, they'll be shooting through some time in February, so I'm hoping I may get another episode or two before the season's over.

Weds 12/14/11 (8:44 pm)

This time of year tends to be rough for me - The holiday shit, the fact that acting stuff slows down because of the holiday shit, and my "stories" go on hiatus because of the holiday shit.

But this year? I had the Austin and Ally shoot last week, I have a "looping" session for Shameless on Monday, and I have a commercial audition (For Hulu Plus) tomorrow.

So while I can always find something to be unhappy about, I really can't complain about how "slow" things have been because of the holidays - not this year.

And I'm very happy to have the commercial audition tomorrow (Though my "glass half-empty" side was annoyed it's so late in the day I can't work my evening WW meeting) - it would be lovely to book another commercial (ending the year with a "win"), and it just happens to be at the casting office where there was the little "misunderstanding" over the Chevy Volt spot (The one that ended up conflicting with my "A&A" shoot), so apparently, "all is forgiven" on that front.

In spite of Shameless, Austin & Ally and the Progressive commercial, I've been feeling a wave of financial worry lately (Not helped by the fact that, for days - due to some password issues - I was not able to access my online credit union info, so didn't know exactly how much I had in my checking account).

It's good that I have a commercial running, but as of this writing, I haven't seen any money from it yet - beyond the initial shoot fee - and I don't know how much money is coming, or for how long.

Likewise with the tv shows; Clearly being a recurring character on two tv shows is a good thing, but there's still a lot of uncertainty there - I don't know, beyond the shoot fees, how much money my work is going to ultimately generate, I don't know how many episodes I'll get in the future (If any), and because I don't know what the future will bring for the shows themselves, things could come to an abrupt end at any time.

So with all that said, it's hard to get that feeling I so desperately crave these days, that "I'm going to be okay financially for a long time to come..." feeling.

I know I'm not in a secure business, but it's been years since I've had a real respite from worrying about the money coming in; it would be so nice to be able to pay off my credit cards, pay my friends what I owe them, put some savings aside...and maybe even "buy something pretty" for myself along the way.

(This is getting to be a pretty "windy" entry, so I'll save what I desire "artistically" for another day...)

For my own mental health, I need to hang onto the reality that, as "worries" go, worrying over just how good my good fortune is going to be is a comparatively nice worry to have.

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