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8:16 am - Fri 8.13.2010
Closing Pandora's Box

Closing Pandora's Box

Friday the 13th...Never really noticed any particularly bad luck on that day, but I feel the need to acknowledge the day nevertheless.


Up early again today, and have already done all the Internet browsing I need to do - Facebook, CNN, The Onion, Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide, etc - so I thought I'd try to do a quick entry in here...while I still can.

("While I still can" refers to the fact that my computer is making noise, noise I hope is the fan needing to be replaced, but that I've been told is probably the hard-drive going in for its final landing; not happy I just spent $175 for a "system optimization" and 2 gigs of memory that was apparently just throwing money down a hole...but that's kind of my own fault; for some bizarre reason, I forgot to mention, when I took it in recently, that it was starting to make noise while it was running. Though that seems like something a computer tech guy should have noticed anyway. But moving on...)

As everything in my life that can break does, it's becoming harder and harder to tamp down my financial anxiety (All the money I've spent so far has come from my checking account, but if I end up needing a new computer, I'll probably charge it...cause I don't think they'll let put rent on a credit card).

I've had five auditions since coming back from Michigan, but haven't booked anything. Which leaves me both frustrated that I'm not "making it happen", and hungry for more auditions, so I can have more opportunities to "make it happen" (As I've said a number of times before, "it's a numbers game").

Financially, the best thing that could happen to me would be a good national commercial (Or two), and I hope that happens...and soon.

But of course, in my heart-of-hearts, what I really want are some good "episodics"...but the only theatrical audition I've had so far in the second half of the year was for a kids show called Shake It Up (?).

(And while I'm not going to turn my nose up at work - and have nothing against doing kids shows - they don't really turn me on as an actor.)

The commercial callback I had last week - for a bank - would have been an especially nice one to get, cause it's going to shoot in New York City...but the callback was last Friday, and I'm pretty sure I would have heard by now.

So anyway, I'm struggling with money anxieties, which tend to open up a Pandora's box of fears - It's a short distance, in my mind, from worrying about money, to imagining myself dying alone on the street.

But we're not there yet; as is often the case, my worries are seriously outpacing reality.

I have to take a deep breath, and remind myself that things are okay, there will be auditions and bookings and money and the good stuff that springs from them, and I'm going to be fine.

Well, there's lots more I want to write about - Richard Brautigan, Prop 8, and my guitar playings, amongst other things - but right now, I have to head to my Friday morning WW meeting...

(Speaking of which, I'm happy to report that, in the past 48 hours or so, I've gotten back to my goal weight - I'm allowed to be within two lbs of my goal of 200 lbs, and I just weighed myself and I'm 201 lbs. I've been ranging from just under 200 lbs to 202 lbs and change.)


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