8:51 am - Friday, Jun. 23, 2006
Socialize, Or Pay Rent? Decisions, Decisions...

Thurs 6/22/06 (1:37 a.m.)

Fun thing happened yesterday�I had my first notary gig since the beginning of the year.

(Just $10�an affidavit for a friend visiting my neighbor down the hall�but it was $10 I didn�t have before.)

The conundrum that seems to be my life: The notarization was easy to do, and I enjoyed doing it, so of course, it didn�t really pay anything. But once things gets involved and stressful enough to not be much fun (i.e. a loan signing), then that pays pretty well.

Anyway, I gave them both business cards, and told them to �tell their friends�.

(Francesca-the neighbor-said �You look so professional� as I was working. Which made me feel, again, not so much like a Notary, but more like an actor playing a Notary.)

(8:17 p.m.)

Well, this seems like a positive development�ArcLight has a 401K plan!

Who knew?

I got the package in the mail a week or so ago, saying I am �now eligible to participate�.

And of course, you know there�s a part of me thinking �I can�t pay my bills with what I�m making, so how can I take a deduction for a 401K?�.

But this is one of those �how can I afford not to?� situations, and I�m going to choose to be positive, and assume I�ll book a couple of acting things before the year�s out that'll more than make up the difference. And I'm telling myself that if I don�t see the money that�s being deducted, I�ll never miss it anyway.

In any case, that�s another thing that�s making me feel a little better these days about the organization I�m working for.

(The first thing that made me feel better about ArcLight recently, even though it wasn�t anything the company did, was getting set up with the QueensCare �insurance� while I was in the hospital. As I think I�ve said before, that lifted away a lot of resentment, and downright anger, that was building up over being part of a multi-million dollar company that doesn�t provide health-insurance to its workers. I still think they ought to, and it�s criminal that they don�t, but at least it�s not a daily source of worry for me anymore.)

I�m a little concerned about money...

The last paycheck from work I received was short a couple days, from when I first went into the hospital. Then of course I was in the hospital for a week, and disability doesn�t kick in till seven days after the date you say your disability began (Which, for me, was the 5th, the day I went to the emergency room at St Vincents).

I�m not much of a math-magician, but that seems to leave eight or nine days this month where I didn't make any money. And I'm not exactly "rolling in dough" normally.

Right now, I'm paid up on all my bills, except my Discover card, so my big concern is whether I'm going to be able to swing next month's rent and eat at the same time.

Which makes the next thing I'm about to write feel a little awkward...

I have managed to drum up a few "social things" in the coming days--I'm going to Dennys tomorrow for breakfast with Joe R. (Who I used to work with at Borders), and on Tuesday, I'm going to have a late lunch with Chris S. (At the cheap Thai place we found last time he visited)--but unfortunately, the pleasure of those social engagements will come with the requisite frustration/guilt of spending money (Something between 5-$10 each time out)that I don't have.

(Chris usually pays when we get together, which is one of those things that I feel grateful for and awkward about at the same time. For me, it's often hard to avoid guilt of one kind of another.)

I guess I just have to assume that if my heart is pure and my intentions are honorable, things will work out.

(And I think that's officially the corniest thing I've ever said in here...)

previous - next