11:44 pm - Mon 2.18.2013
Goods & Services (& Thorny Dilemmas)

Had much of the day to do this, but I didn't, and now here I am...

Told myself I would write Jane, Lori, and my Mom, do my taxes (Or at least work on them), and write in here.

Got as far as part-way into the letter to my Mom, but since I had the entire day to get this shit done, I'm not feeling terribly accomplished, and am many notches below "proud of myself" on the self-esteem scale.

I'm really struggling with the not-having-any-auditions thing...In a word, it makes my life bad.

It really does.

Every day I don't have an audition is a day I'm losing ground financially - Without auditions, there are no bookings, and without bookings, there is no money...well, there's some money, because of Weight Watchers, but it's seriously insufficient money.

And that's not good - cause I like money.

I use it to buy goods and services.

I like goods.

And I like being serviced (Yes, I went there).

But because I allowed fatigue and lethargy - are those the same thing? - to get the best of me, I'm out of time, and will have to take up this whatever-it-is tomorrow.

Tues 2.19.13 (6:58 am)

So I'm closing in on a month without auditions...

The funny thing, I thought the other day? If/when I get a call for something, and it's on, say, Wednesday, and I have to get fills for my two WW meetings, or it's a nothing line on some show I don't know/don't like, it'll be amazing how smoothly I slip from complaining about having no auditions to complaining about that, instead of thinking, "You wanted an audition...and here it is".

So let me say right now - While I enjoy having auditions that don't conflict with my WW meetings, and I enjoy having auditions for decent little roles on shows I can be proud of, right now I will happily take anything that comes up.

Woke up early today. I often wake up early, and I'm rarely happy about it, but today it's okay, because I can do this (My alarm just went off, so since I've already breakfasted, I have another half-hour before I have to start getting ready).

Nothing much of note going on, beyond the audition drought...

I did go out on Friday night with Josh and his girlfriend Michelle (We saw the Dennis Hopper movie Out Of The Blue at the Silent Movie Theater on Fairfax).

We had coffee beforehand, and talked for a bit.

My official pronouncement? They're good people.

Before meeting Josh the first time, I joked in an email that, because he'd "gotten out of the gate so fast", he might have to deal with a lot of bitterness and envy on my part during out meeting.

I was kidding, of course - I don't let my bitterness and envy show through till at least the second or third meeting with a potential new friend - but that said, he does seem to have a life worthy of my envy, if not my bitterness.

They're both actors; she works at a restaurant, and he has a job writing questions for teacher certifications.

He actually booked some professional jobs while still in Austin, though if I'm understanding things correctly, hasn't booked anything here yet; Michelle looked familiar to me, like I might have seen her in something, but we didn't get that far into conversation before it was time to hit the theater (I should IMDB them, and see if we have any shows or people in common).

The movie was fun, and there seemed to be general agreement on the outing's success (At least if them friend-requesting me on Facebook afterward is any indication).

Well, got a voicemail from Brett early this evening - I have an audition.

And in spite of my promise to happily "take anything that comes along"...I'm not happy.

It's a fantastic part - "Crazy Pete", an investigator of alien abductions and the like (Oddly enough, not the first time I've auditioned for exactly this type of role) - but it's in a SAG-AFTRA "Ultra Low Budget" movie.

It's basically the absolute lowest amount of money I can be paid as a Union actor - $100 a day.

It's a thorny dilemma - Getting an actual role...and getting paid the absolute minimum to do it.

I hate "thorny dilemmas"...!

But speaking of which, I should maybe be looking over my pages instead of doing this....

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