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9:47 AM - Weds 9.29.21 My day is not starting off well... And it's my own damn fault. I've fallen back into a bad cycle with my eating - Looking to lose weight (I've lost about 30 lbs since the beginning of the year, and have another 30 or so to go), I'm counting calories, using a calorie-counting app called LoseIt (Because fuck Weight Watchers). This wouldn't be a problem, except that my "eating day" starts after midnight. So when the clock strikes 12:00, I immediately start gorging, eating half my calories for the day, or more, before I even go to bed. (Then I'll wake up overnight- often only an hour or two after I've gone to bed - and eat some more.) Last night was particularly bad - As of this writing, I have 174 calories left in my day - so, after having a banana for breakfast, I'm basically fasting till early evening (Then there's another six hours or more where I can't eat till midnight...when the cycle starts all over again). This is not what should be happening. A big problem is that I've let a bunch of things come back into the house that are not a good idea - bread, peanut butter, Doritos, kiddie cereal, cans of Chef Boyardee, etc - that are too easy and too tempting (And yes, I have the taste buds of a 10-year old). That feels like it can be wrangled - till recently, most of those things hadn't been "on the training table" for years. So with some effort, they can be removed from said "training table". But dealing with why I want to eat all the time? Why I can so easily ignore the signals that tell me I should stop eating, that I've had enough? That's a tougher nut to crack. The other way I'm setting myself up for a bad day is by waking up and immediately going to my phone/computer, which feels both like a waste of the first number of hours of my day and, oftentimes, just a bummer (Like today, when the news was bad and the stupid comments from various Internet experts-on-everything were depressing). I know, in both instances, I can't just say "I don't like these habits I've been engaged in for years, so I'm immediately going to totally drop them and do something else". But it seems reasonable, in both instances, to think of "pumping the brakes" (By, in the first instance, not letting the "unhelpful" food items into the house. And by, in the second instance, perhaps setting a timer to limit my initial Internet time, or figuring out something to do, in the first minutes of my day, that would make me feel better than feeding my Internet addiction). (I think if I started my day doing this for an hour, that wouldn't be the worse thing. But anyway...) During the time I was writing this, had a break for a conversation with Jane R., which is a better way to spend my time than overeating or fucking around on the Internet. In any case, I now am encroaching on "getting ready to go to physical therapy time", so I've gotta jet... Till next time...!
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