9:28 AM - Sun 10.11.20
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Sunday.

For years, Sunday was devoted to church (And Sunday night, when I was in school, to homework that had otherwise been avoided all weekend).

Then it wasn't devoted to much of anything, except sleeping in (And maybe a matinee/early evening performance in community theater or summer stock).

(In terms of work, I've had at least two long-term jobs where I had Sundays off. Though with my last long-term job, at Weight Watchers, Sunday was actually the busiest day of my "work week".)

And now?

Well, I don't "sleep in" anymore, really - Not by choice, mind you. My body just doesn't let me - and I don't have a day job anymore, but I have gone back to a "church" of sorts.

I've written about "Atheist Church" before (BTW, it's not really "church" - there are no sermons, scripture, or songs - but just a couple of Atheist call-in shows I watch on YouTube), so I'm not going to write about it at length now.

But it strikes me, in a way it never has before, that devoting a good chunk of time, on a weekly basis, to considering what I believe and how I view the world (And listening to discussions both defending and opposing those beliefs) is not the worst way I could spend my time.

(Not to mention giving me something else I need, which is a sense that I am not an "island", that there are other people who feel as I do, who believe what I believe. A sense of "community" - even if it's just "virtual" - that's getting harder and harder to come by these days.)

As of this writing, I'm weeks away from shooting another Shameless, and a month or so from seeing Jane R. again (She's coming back next month for five days, when we're planning a dual-viewing of our film and Cary's at his place, doing some voiceover stuff, and just hanging out).

In the early days of the pandemic, when Shameless shut down production - during pre-production, really - I developed a fear that, due to the Coronavirus, I might end up getting cut out of the show once it resumed shooting.

(Basically, I read one-too-many articles in the trades about how productions would come back, when they did, using as few background players and guest-stars as possible, to lower costs and infection risks. And I saw myself as very expendable.)

Happily, I was wrong about my relative expandability...but I've developed a new fear about the show - Namely, that Kermit might meet a COVID-related demise before show's-end.

Now, it's the last season of the show, so on one level, it doesn't really matter if Kermit dies from COVID, auto-erotic asphyxiation, or anything else - In spite of the occasional fan comment (And a certain character actor's sometimes-fervent wish), I don't see an Alibi spin-off in the future.

I just don't want to get the next script, read a stage direction in the first scene ("Kermit coughs, as the Alibi patrons scatter, covering their noses and mouths with anything available"), and have that be my last episode.

(FTR, I don't know what exactly John Wells has planned. in terms of any COVID storylines. And I don't think Kermit's enough of a character that anyone's going to write a bonafide "storyline" around his COVID diagnosis - It just wouldn't be worth the screen time. But that doesn't mean he couldn't be "collateral damage" in, say, a COVID outbreak at the Alibi.)

I'd like to make it to the end of the show - For sentimental reasons, yes...but also because this is the last regular money I'm going to see from show biz for at least the foreseeable future.

To that end, one thing I hope will happen next year is that the documentary will be starting to make the rounds as the final season of the show starts airing.

That's a hope I have both for the documentary - So it has at least a bit of a publicity "hook" that will get it an extra set of eyeballs or two - and for my own health and well-being (Would be nice if people started getting the word that I'm an interesting fella, and a heck of an actor to boot, as the curtain comes down on "Kermit" and Shameless).

Beyond that, another sneaky concern I have about the documentary is Jane herself.

Jane herself and me myself, actually,

Jane is the only day-to-day friend I have (Other than Mark and Jane Z., who I talk to on a weekly basis, there is no one else who seems terribly invested in relating to me at all).

So, as much as I'm eager for the film to be "out there" and, hopefully, do nice things (For the audience, for Jane, and for Yours Truly), I do have a bit of anxiety about what the two of us look like, post-whatever "nice things" happen with the film.

Whether Jane's gonna make her money back (Or maybe even make a profit), whether the film's going to do anything for me, and how it's all gonna shake out in terms of our...whatever-it-is-we-have-going, is officially "Shit I can't do anything about".

Much better to appreciate what's happening now, and deal with what does or doesn't happen in the future when it quits being the future, and becomes the thing that's happening now.

Know what I mean?

Till next time...

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