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2:30 PM - 02.26.22

I Don't Feel Good (Times 3)

I don't feel good.

In part, that's my own fault - for the second time in a week, I ate a "family-sized" box of kiddie cereal within a day's time (From last night to late this morning. But I also blame the store for having them on sale for $3.99 a box).

Now, shockingly, I feel a little sick (My eating, always problematic, has become even more disordered recently. A number of things have "gotten back on the training table" - like giant boxes of sugary cereal - that really have no business there).

But I'm also feeling anxious about an audition that was turned in yesterday.

I did very well with it, and it could definitely still be "in play" (It's also a CD that seems to have taken a shine to me - This is the third time they've had me audition for them in recent months).

But I haven't booked anything worth doing since Shameless, acting-wise, in spite of a number of really good auditions, so I've lost any sense of why I'd get the nod versus "anyone else".

Got the notice for the audition late-Thursday afternoon, which was due yesterday by 3:00 pm (Jane helped me with it, and I turned it in around 11:30). So like I said, it's not unreasonable to think it might still be "open"...but at the same time, they could have already decided, and I'm on pins-and-needles for a thing that's already history.

So it goes...

But the big unhappy story is my cat, Hamlet.

In the past year, he's lost half his body weight, his stool - which has almost never been solid - has gone even less-solid (And less predictable - He semi-frequently has little "accidents" on my bed), and he's gone off his food (First rejecting the dry Iams that has been his diet most of his life, then even getting finicky about the wet stuff I've been tempting him with - It's all the same flavor, but if I open the single-serving package and what's inside is loose and has "gravy", he passes on it, while if it's more gelatinous, he'll at least eat some of it).

Last time I was at the Vet, he told me he was essentially at the end of what he knew to do (Unless I wanted us to start throwing cancer-level drugs at him, which might help, but might make him worse).

So the alternatives presented were 1. Cancer drugs, 2. Seeing a specialist, and getting MRIs and whatnot, to try and ascertain what the problem is, or, 3. Put him down.

My last thought was, if I could get him to eat the special food the Vet suggested, and if he stabilized at least at his current weight and "typical" loose stools...but after a day or so where he ate enough of it for me to feel hopeful, he's essentially stopped eating (And his stools are back to being more...problematic).

Add to this that the Vet told me his stomach was "tender" - something I haven't noticed (but I don't typically squeeze his stomach at home) - and I'm realizing He's really not in good shape.

So since he's not feeling good, and I've spent thousands so far (and can't see myself spending thousands more) on this situation, I'm probably "making the call" on Monday, to have a Vet come to my place and do #3.

(The place where I've been going does it, and while it's likely way cheaper than having a kitty "Dr Death" pay a visit, I feel like I should spend the extra money so both of us can have an easier, less upsetting final experience.)

As you can imagine, I'm not happy - I'm choking up as I write this - but "this is where we're at".

Till next time...



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