11:56 pm - Sat 2.21.2009
Hoffmasters Hierarchy Of Worries

Once again, I don't know quite where - or how - to start...

With auditions and workshops on Wednesday & Thursday, and a visit to social services yesterday (more on that in a bit), the past week has felt fairly...eventful.

Well, I'm pretty sure, to my chagrin, that Wednesday's Chili's audition will not be providing the financial salvation I've been hoping for.

I'm very open to being wrong, and getting (yet another) lesson about "not counting myself out", but for now...I'm counting myself out.

Because of all the sucking I did (Which was tremendously frustrating, since I've gone on and on about how rarely I get an opportunity to "do something" - I know it was just a commercial, but unlike most commercials I go out for, this really was an opportunity to "do something").

I think the worst feeling you can have after an audition is feeling like you gave a better performance at home in your living room than you did on camera. And that's how I felt on Wednesday.

I could spend the rest of this entry writing about why this is a particularly tough loss - they're planning a series of spots based on the character I read for, which means loads of visibility, fun spots (based on the one I read, anyway), and loads of sweet, sweet, commercial cash - but if you've been following along in here, you probably already understand why I might have preferred booking this gig to...well, to not booking this gig.

(But instead of dwelling on failure - or at least what feels like failure at this point - let's move on something a little more uplifting...)

In contrast to Wednesday morning's audition - disappointing, to say the least - Wednesday night's ACG workshop felt pretty damned good.

It was the first week of a two-week long workshop with Jeffrey Gaffner, assistant to the Vice President of Comedy Casting at CBS.

I hadn't done an ACG workshop in over two months, but getting in front of this guy felt like a worthwhile thing to do.

And it was a good night for "the old guard" at ACG - Yes, some of the younger kids did fine, but the first person to really knock it out of the park that night was my friend Allison (For my money, clearly the star of the workshop).

I'd gotten a not-all-that-funny scene from Gary Unmarried, but I was partnered with Patrick R. (The only other funny-looking middle-aged guy in the room), and we spun some gold out of that comedy straw.

(Or at least some gold-plated straw.)

We rocked the scene.

And what made this extra nice is that he then had us switch roles...and if anything, the scene worked even better.

Unfortunately, the last time we did the scene, things went a little south (We had a few line glitches that killed the jokes), and the scene flatlined, which was...unfortunate.

But since we're focusing on how wonderful I was, we'll forget about that, and instead hone in on the fact that I was pretty frigging funny, in two very different roles, in front of someone that oversees, not just every comedy currently on CBS, but every comedy pilot they have in the pipeline.

I've considering "splitting the difference" - sort of - and, while not taking the class (Cause of the aforementioned "not being able to afford it"), springing for the book (The Tao Of Show Business).

But here's the problem with that - Now that I've done the Weight Watchers thing, I think there's something to, not just buying a book (That you may or may not end up reading), but committing yourself to showing up somewhere every week, where someone offers you equal parts inspiration and practical advice, in a supportive group of like-minded individuals.

In a word, it worked for me once, so I think it's natural to assume it could work for me again...if given a chance.

So if I can't do this creative career workshop class-thingie this time out, I really do want to do it at some point, and sooner rather than later.

Lynn, a (currently non-practicing) lawyer,who also does "Life Coaching" in between Weight Watchers meetings, suggested I apply for food stamps.

Actually, she didn't just "suggest" it - she made me commit to taking action on her suggestion as soon as I got home.

So I did.

(I applied for Food Stamps years ago, at one point, I think while I was working at Borders; I was something like $300 over the monthly income limit.)

Having applied once before, I should have gone to social services with all my ducks in a row - but I didn't; I'd brought my ID, my checkbook, a check stub from Weight Watchers, my federal tax refund check, and my latest residual check (For Gilmore Girls).

But I didn't bring my social security card, a birth certificate or passport, a checking account statement, a savings account statement, or my phone bill (And my WW check stub was from last month).

So I'll be going back Tuesday morning, with various and sundry documents proving my identity and proof-of-income (Or "proof-of-relative-lack-of-income"), and hopefully, within a month, be getting some food-buying assistance (I don't think they do actual "food stamps" anymore; now it's more like a "food debit card").

I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of applying for assistance this way, but it's a lot more "thrilling" than some alternatives I can think of.

All I want, right now, is to keep moving the ball further down the field...

Well, it's gotten late, and I've got my WW member meeting in the morning, so I've gotta wrap this up (Before I've even gotten a chance to explain the title of this entry).

(To end on a positive note - I'm currently paid up on all my monthly bills, and within the week, I'll be paying my rent for March.)

previous - next