8:15 am - Sat 10/18/03
Having Fun, Being Awake, And \"Killing Bill\"

"I have never been convinced there's anything inherently wrong in having fun."

George Plimpton

I've had that quote, written on a napkin, next to my computer for weeks now, every since Mr P. died.

Also written on that napkin is the word "Provigil", the name of a drug that's recently been approved for use by sleep apnea sufferers (I forget what the original purpose of the drug was. Treating narcolepsy, perhaps? Anyway...).

I don't know how the drug works--I "googled" it and read an explanation, which I then promptly forgot-- but it somehow promotes genuine wakefulness. And is apparently something more than just a big dose of speed.

The idea of going through my days actually being awake is more exciting than I have words for. I think it's hard to oversell how huge that would be; the effect on my mood, on my productivity, etc., I'm sure would be immense.

So why has "Provigil" remained just a word on a napkin, and not become a bottle of pills in my medicine cabinet?

I think it's fear, basically. From worrying about the expense --though I think I'd be able to recoup most of that from my insurance--to worrying about potential side effects ("FDA Approved" doesn't mean they necessarily know the long term effects of a given drug), to worrying about feeling let down by the results (I might feel more awake on this drug, but I'd still be me...or would I?), I have...concerns.

And while Provigil deals with the issue of wakefulness, and that's huge, it doesn't solve the problem of sleep apnea. Doctors still don't really understand how sleep does what it does for us; In other words, Provigil apparently makes you feel rested, but that's not the same as actually being rested.

And that's a concern.

But at this point, I'll take what I can get; I'm going to call my doctor Monday, and see how I can get this ball rolling!

Saw Kill Bill on Wednesday.

It's really not the kind of movie I can just tell you to run out and see, because I know a number of people reading this journal would hate it. But if you like wildly over-the-top mayhem delivered with a crazy amount of style, this is your movie.

One thing in the movie made me feel very nostalgic; At one point, when "The Bride" (Uma Thurman)is following one of the bad guys on a motorcycle, Tarantino has the chase accompanied by the theme from The Green Hornet.

Now, I had no particular love for The Green Hornet as a kid--The only memory of I have of "The Green Hornet" is when he and "Kato" did a crossover episode on Batman--but I did love "The Flight Of The Bumblebee" theme, played by Al Hirt. I used to check his "The Horn Meets The Hornet" record out of the library about every other week or so (The album was Hirt's take on various tv show themes of the era. In addition, of course, to the Green Hornet theme).

(Thinking about that music makes me think about another really exciting piece of tv theme music, the theme from Hawaii 5-0. I liked that theme so much when I was a kid that I'd just watch the opening credits, then turn the channel, since the theme promised much more excitement than Jack Lord was ever going to be able to deliver. To be honest, I was also titillated by the hula girl in the credits. Which, once again, was more excitment than Jack Lord was ever going to be able to deliver.)

Another bit I really liked in Kill Bill was when Lucy Liu and her gang enter the bar/disco/restaurant/whatever, moving in slow motion to this propulsive music (The same music that's being used in the tv commercial) promising excitement that the upcoming fight scene more than delivers (When Uma Thurman fights first a killer japanese schoolgirl with a mace, then basically every evil henchman in "Evil Henchman Local 101", before throwing down with Lucy Liu herself, who's head of the Tokyo underworld).

What knocks me out about Tarantino is that there's more genuine excitement in that slow motion scene of Lucy Liu walking in with her gang than with most other directors out-and-out action scenes.

And I had a reaction to the big fight scene that fascinated me...

In the middle of the scene, with "The Bride" having this mammoth samurai sword fight with about a hundred guys...I started laughing.

And it wasn't a "this is stupid" laugh. I was just having so much fun, I was laughing with delight.

And any director who can do that gets my money whenever they want it.

Gotta go. Having breakfast with the always-delightful Cary and Kay...

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