11:41 am - Mon 4/30/07
I wrote this off-line earlier this week:
It’s been the challenge of writing an online journal since I started–I want people to read it, I want to share my story, I want to share my thoughts and feelings, but at the same time, I don’t want to offend anyone. I don’t want anyone to not like me (Though I imagine that ship sailed quite some time ago). And the entertainer in me certainly doesn’t want to be boring.
It’s my goal, in the days and weeks and months ahead, in keeping with the goal of sharing myself in here, and perhaps creating a more genuine connection with you, Gentle Reader, to get past being afraid of what you might think of me, to get past my need to impress you with how smart or funny or insightful I am. To “reveal” more and “perform” less (Unless I’m specifically giving my ability to write/perform entertainingly a test-drive)
Anyway, enough of that. You get the idea.
Yesterday was not exactly my most energetic day. I couldn’t even manage to get myself to the movies, even though I’ve been bemoaning the fact that I’ve “fallen behind” on the movies at ArcLight lately (I’d planned to see Hot Fuzz, but was just too tired to bother).
On Wednesday, I did see Fracture with my friend Casey, which was great fun (Both the movie itself, and the outing with Casey). We saw the movie, then had dinner at the café, then looked around at Borders (Where I bought three trade paperbacks–Your Movie Sucks, a collection of Roger Ebert’s reviews of bad movies, Phillip Roth’s The Plot Against America, and--inspired by The Namesake--The Collected Tales of Nikolai Gogol–along with $150 worth of thank-you gift certificates, to send to the casting people and directors of my last two commercial gigs).
I need more of this kind of thing (Going out with friends). I’m a social animal, so it seems reasonable that I have a social life. Cause life shouldn’t begin or end with having an audition or gig. And for the past number of years, mine has.
Sun 4/30/07 (3:30 p.m.)
Listening to “Outa-Space”, a Seventies-era Billy Preston instrumental I recently downloaded off I-Tunes (I loved it “back in the day”, when I was 11 or 12. Now, while I still like it, it sounds a bit “thin”, if you know what I mean).
Acting-wise, the past week was dead–No workshops, no auditions, no gigs–which left me with a light dusting of anxiety by week’s-end. I’m not hurting, mind you–There’s money in the bank, I recently paid off all my credit cards, and I just got an email from JS that another check’s in the mail–but I just want the “hits to keep on coming”, if you know what I mean (I told Cary some time back that, while I know I probably can’t keep financial stress at bay forever, I’d at least like to push it as far into the future as possible).
A week ago yesterday, I had a rare PMG-generated audition–As a sheriff for a Toby Keith video/short film (To play during his upcoming tour)-and if I’d booked it, I would’ve been flown to Nashville for a couple days. But it didn’t happen, so it looks like I’m meant for a more exciting locale for my first “location shoot” (Technically, I’ve done “location shoots” before–anything not shot in a studio is a “location shoot”; Snickers and Coldstone were both “on location”–but you know what I mean).
On Wednesday, I have my first-ever meeting with a theatrical agent (Not counting those tremendously depressing “Agent Night” outings at ACG). It happened because of a conversation at ArcLight–A coworker overheard me talking about my stagnant theatrical fortunes, and mentioned that his girlfriend’s mother is an agent (He gave me her card, I called her, and things went from there)–so if I actually sign with this person (Vicki LeClerc/Direct Talent), and we can actually do each other some good, I might have to take back every bad thing I ever said about ArcLight.
(Anyway, wish me luck on that. Getting a good theatrical agent would be a huge “step in the right direction”.)
Speaking of ArcLight...
I’ve been taking a lot of days off lately (I took this past Friday off to pre-emptively clear the way if I booked the Toby Keith thing, and I took off last Monday–and am taking tomorrow off–when coworkers asked if I could spare some hours. I’m also thinking about taking my birthday off, as a cheap present to myself, since that would give me a “three day weekend”).
Just like when I decided to get cable, I’ve felt somewhat guilty about taking days off, as if I were spending my commercial earnings too frivolously. But then it hit me, as it did with getting cable/hi-speed Internet–this isn’t “spending my commercial earnings too frivolously”, this is me enjoying “the fruits of my labors”. The fact is, I want cable/hi-speed Internet, cause it makes life more enjoyable. And the whole point of being out here is to spend my life doing more of what I want to do (Acting), and less of what I don’t want to do (Everything else), so why not take days off from ArcLight, if my commercial earning afford me that opportunity?
I've obviously put in the time here. This current success represents six years of "labor".
So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go enjoy some refreshing & nutritious labor-fruit...
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