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9:44 AM - Tues 11.22.22

Mediations On A State Of Ennui

Well, as I predicted, while there were auditions galore in the week-and-a-half I was out of town (Doing the DocUtah and East Lansing film festivals), since I've been back, there's been nothing.

And I seem to have responded by eating like a child. Which is not a good thing when you're actually an older adult who's overweight and pre-diabetic.

And my only exercise has been to walk to the mostly buy shit I shouldn't be eating.

(Jane just texted about the campaign she's launching for me, for people to donate funds so I can go to film festivals next year without breaking the bank - The video I did for that purpose, which I had a hard time getting done but knew was still too long even as I sent it to indeed too long. But anyway...)

I'm feeling a little pathetic - "Seriously Jim? The moment you stop getting inordinate amounts of attention, you fall into a depression? Could you be any more of an Actor cliche?" - but it is what it is.

But I don't know if I'm being completely fair to myself here...yes, some of what I'm feeling is no doubt a let-down from being "the toast of the town" a short time ago to being nothing special at the moment, but I pretty much always want acting stuff to be happening and struggle when it's not.

And it is something of an "actor cliche" that when you have all the time in the world to do auditions, nothing happens, but go out of town and just watch the auditions pour in.

But here we are.

This all makes me think about how there's not too much I'm "jazzed" about these days.

(And forget about "jazzed" - I don't feel like I'm even thinking about much these days. Get me off "film festivals", "acting", and "money", and I'm hard-pressed to tell you what else is going on in my head...though you could add the general category of "aches and pains" and there's pretty much something always bothersome going on there.)

One thing I'd like is to "expand my repertoire" of leisure activities - I'm pleased that I will do this or draw (More "active" pursuits than just watching TV or fucking around on the computer, so "Yay!" on that front), but I still barely read or work on playing harmonica/guitar/keyboards, or studying Spanish, or dancing, or exercising, or anything else.

But I'm running out of time here - I'm meeting my friend Josh for lunch at Noon and I've got to hop in the shower and all that - so this meditation on my current state of ennui needs to be shelved for now.

Till next time...



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