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1:30 pm - Mon 9.01.2008
Jim Hoffmaster To L.A.'s Criminal Element: \"Hey! Stop Stealing My Shit!\"

Jim Hoffmaster To L.A.'s Criminal Element: "Hey! Stop Stealing My Shit!"

Fun news - I guess in honor of Labor Day, someone decided they'd help me labor just a little harder to pay my bills...and stole my car battery.

The battery I just bought a month-and-a-half ago.

But let's travel back in time a bit...

Maybe an hour ago, I went out to move the car.

And when I used my alarm remote, nothing happened.

I thought, "Oh, I guess I need a new remote battery...", even while thinking it was "weird" that it died without any warning - In the past, when the remote battery needed replacing, the remote started acting "hinky" before stopping altogether.

Long story short, got replacement batteries (For the remote and the back-up remote), the alarm still didn't work, got in the car - no alarm - turned the ignition - nothing - went home, called AAA, they came, popped the hood, and said, "Well, here's your problem, Son - You ain't got no battery...!".

And sure enough, I was battery-less.


I was "sans battery".

And thus, I add to a list I really didn't want to add to - "Things I've Had Stolen Since Living In L.A.":

1. bike lights
2. hub caps
3. registration sticker
4. bike
5. another bike
6. $25, in an envelope with my name on it (Dropped in the lobby of my apartment building)

And now...
7. car battery

Feels like I'm forgetting some things (Which tells you something right there). But even as it stands, I think it's an impressive list.

(And of course, "Honorable Mention" goes to my being attacked on Xmas Eve, in what was - I'm assuming - a bad person's effort to take my bike, or my wallet, or both.)

Anyway, having to replace the battery is annoying all by itself.

But now, in addition to that expense, I'm going to have to get the power windows fixed; some time back, they just stopped working (With a couple windows partially open, of course).

I wasn't happy about this development, and thought about getting them fixed, but "never got around to it", figuring "It's an 18 year-old car, it looks like crap, I never have anything valuable inside it, it rarely rains out here, and I have an alarm...".

"So" - famous last words - "What's the rush?"

Now I realize how vulnerable I've been all this time; I was thinking of the car itself being stolen, or something inside the car being stolen, and never gave a thought to any of the car's parts being stolen (Now I'm wondering what other pieces of my car are being carted away as I write this).

I'm kind of bummed, I kid you not; No, it's not "the end of the world"...but it definitely casts a bit of a pall on the day.


I guess it's natural, under the circumstances, that my thoughts should turn to "personal finances" (And it's something I've been thinking about a lot even before today's "unfortunate turn of events")...

Since, at this point, I don't know when I'm starting at Weight Watchers, how many hours I'm going to get, and how much I'm going to make (Though I have a sense that, at best, it's going to be comparable to ArcLight, and thus "not enough"), as of yet, I feel no sense of "financial relief" from my new job.

So I'm still thinking the same way I have been - "I'm ripping through my savings, I have virtually nothing coming in, and I'm not getting the auditions and bookings I need to fill the gap..." - and pondering my present "Multiple" - and minimal - "Streams Of Income".

1. Walking the neighbor's dog ($25-30/week)

I walk the neighbor's dog six days a week now, unless said neighbor calls to tell me he's going to be home on a given day.

Typically, that's my "walking-around money" in a given week (I usually blow it on hookers and beer - or barring that, movies and trips to Subway - though sometimes I use it for some immediate need like a haircut or what-have-you).

2. Residuals.

Since quitting ArcLight, I think I've received two residual checks; one for the AT&T commercial (For I think about $200), and one for my Monk episode (For $27-and-change).

It makes me long for those glorious days of 2007, when residuals were pouring in and seemed like they would never, ever stop.

3. The new blog.

As previously announced, I recently cracked the $100 ceiling, and will be getting my first check from Google sometime this month.


I don't know how much that's going to mean after taxes ($70-80?), but if I can net something in at least the $75-100 range every month, that would be great (And if I could do even better than that, that would be really great).

("I must... write...better - add more crowd-pleasing sex and violence, with a generous helping of side-splitting comedy - to 'grow my readership'...")

I guess I should be pleased that I have "Multiple Streams Of Income" at this point, however minimal.

Because, beyond walking the neighbor's dog - who is about 150 years old in "people years" and could die at any moment - there's at least the possibility of growth with the other two "streams".

There's always the chance of booking more acting gigs (I just need to get more auditions, and to "act better" once I get them).

And who knows? If I "up my game" and gain a large readership with the new blog (It would help if I somehow became a "story" that got picked up on or, and they "linked" to me), maybe that will pay my monthly nut all by itself (It seems unlikely, but why rule anything out at this point?).


Well, I couldn't help but notice that while there's a general election in a couple months, and Louisiana is dealing with another serious storm, I've just spent hours writing all about myself.

But what can I say? I'm a selfish, self-centered man.

It's my glory...and my curse.


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