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11:14 AM - Sun 10.16.22

Feeling Just A Touch Stressed

I'm sure I've said it before - With no regular job, no partner, and no family (Of my own, or extended), I have less going on in my life than most people, most of the time.

That, plus my natural anxiety, means I'm very prone to quickly freaking out when I actually do have "a couple of things going on".

And when I have said things going on, I get frustrated at how little it takes to create a time crunch/conflict - I'm very prone to complaining "Why does everything have to happen all at once?".

That's kinda where I'm at right now.

Since the 6th of the month, I've had the premiere of the documentary at the Awareness Festival (Attending the award show tonight, even though it's virtually guaranteed we're not going to win anything), a commercial callback (Where I booked the job, which means I have a fitting/rehearsal tomorrow and am shooting on Tuesday), five other auditions, and leaving for the Santa Fe Film Festival in four days (coming back on the 25th).

Have I mentioned I also have a procrastination problem?

I'm not used to having to get this-or-that thing done now, or else it's not going to get done (Don't get me wrong - I will get the things done that "have to be done", I'm just going to be really stressed-out about it).

I'm perpetually feeling like I'm not doing something I should be doing, I'm not getting something done, I'm forgetting something.

And after spending $400 on my brakes, my brake light's been on for the better part of two weeks (So I feel both like I need to get it back to the mechanic, and stressed because I don't feel like I can not have a car right now - In addition to getting my shit done, I haven't wanted to strand Jane without a car while she's here. I know, in both instances, there's Lyft/Uber, but that shit is, 1. Not as dependable as it was pre-pandemic, and 2. Expensive as shit).

But the big "stressor" for me has been the fact that - of course! - things have been red-hot for me acting-wise right as I'm about to go out of state for five days.

There's been some question about whether I could leave when I'm supposed to leave because of not knowing when my commercial was going to shoot (Which is happening Tuesday).

Then there was some question about whether I'd be able to go because a commercial I'm auditioning for tomorrow would shoot while I'm away (But yesterday I found out that I won't be able to go to the callback - If I get one - because that's happening on Tuesday, and I'll be shooting. And I really don't think they're going to hire me from the first audition if I'm not at the callback, or change the callback time to suit me).

In short, this feels like it should be a great time to be me - I'm auditioning! I booked a commercial! I'm going to a film-festival to watch a documentary about myself! - but I'm stressed up to my eyeballs.

And right now, I just want to lay down.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Till next time...



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