Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

4:45 pm - Mon 1/10/11
The Year Begins

The Year Begins

(Quick note - The jury duty stint I was so annoyed by? Ended up being a walk-in-the-park; the case was settled Tuesday morning, before jury selection even started, while we were waiting out in the hallway. But anyway...)

I've been struggling big-time with the post-holiday blues.

I guess that's what happens when you tell yourself, "I just have to get through the holidays, then everything's gonna be all right".
It's textbook "setting yourself up for a fall"...and, sure enough, I fell for it.

I'm "not in a good place" right now - feeling bored and lonely and anxious and just generally not-good (Physically as well as emotionally) - but am telling myself, based on previous experience, "this too shall pass".

No auditions so far, which wouldn't be that big a deal - it's only been a week, after all - except that, 1. A number of my fellow actors have already gotten out (And I'm jealous), and 2. My checking account balance is starting to look pretty anemic, and could really use an infusion of acting money.

I've got the Budweiser spot "in the can" - no pun intended - but I don't know when it's going to start running, or for that matter, if I'm even going to be in the completed spot (I've been edited out of things before). So that doesn't feel like a basket I can put all my fiscal eggs in just yet.

(And in breaking news - I just checked my email, and I have a commercial audition tomorrow afternoon. And as soon as I finished writing that on my calendar, I got a call from Haley, telling me I have a co-star audition in the morning for Dustin Hoffman's new show, Luck, as a "horse agent".)

I thought this when jury duty turned into "much ado about nothing", and it struck me again as I just wrote my "breaking news" - It is deeply ingrained in me to worry and fret, but it's also pretty pointless.

As I've said before, I suck at predicting the future.

Saw Dr Alessi (My ENT guy)earlier today.

I'm not sure if it was surgery-related or just surgery-adjacent, but I developed an infection during my recovery, so have basically had a sore throat since before Thanksgiving.

He had me on one prescription, which we changed to something cheaper (Costing me $20 instead of $130-something), but today he changed it again (To "Avelox". Which I guess is also expensive, but they gave me a bunch of samples).

In addition to the sore throat, I've also had a stiff neck (Which on Saturday turned into pretty major-league muscle spasms), so the Dr. ordered a CT, "just in case" (I'll be doing that tomorrow, after the commercial audition).

Long-term pain/discomfort tends to get me down on two levels - It's not much fun, for one thing, but it also seems to "open up" a lot of fear about aging and infirmity and what-have-you.

That's a problem for me in general - I can't seem to have my little worries and aches and pains without them "opening up" a Pandora's box of fear (About aging, about my health, about my career, about being alone, and so forth).

If these thought-patterns helped me at some point, they sure aren't helping me now. I'd really like to be able to just see the thing in front of me, whatever it is, without having it represent all my deepest, darkest fears.

Anyway, money worries, sore throats, and stiff necks aside, it's nice to look at my calendar now and see acting stuff written on it.

It seems the year has begun...


previous - next

0 comments so far
about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!