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4:19 pm - Saturday, Nov. 18, 2006

Every Crayon In The Box
(For anyone who missed it in the comments section--Under the "Super Tuesday" entry--my friend Ray has created a little webpage
for my tv clips. So check it out, if you haven't seen me in action yet and want to. And thanks, Ray!)

Just got back from a casting workshop a short time ago.

The scene I did at the workshop (Something from The Ghost Whisperer, where I played a quirky scientist)ties in with something I've been thinking about a lot lately...

Over five years after coming out here, and having some small measure of success (Getting cast in some commercials, and now a couple of tv shows), I still sometimes regret not doing this sooner (When I had more energy...and more hair).

And the reason I didn't come out here sooner was not so much a fear of failure (Though there was that), or even a fear of success (Though I guess you could say I feared the type of success I might have); There's quite a distance, in my mind, between what I have on the inside and what I look like on the outside, and I was afraid I would never be content being a mid-level "character actor", watching the stars drive the story along, when in my heart-of-hearts, I wanted to be the star of the piece.

You can point out examples of character actors who transcend that position and become "character leads"--Dustin Hoffman, Gene Hackman, and more recently, actors like Paul Giamatti and Phillip Seymour Hoffman--but the vast majority are never going to be the center of the story, or even a major part of the plotline.

Maybe I was "afraid of failure"--I wanted to be a movie star and was afraid that that would never happen for me--but now I think it's more about fearing that I won't be satisfied, being limited to how people will cast me based on what I look like, when I feel that's only one crayon in my box of colors.


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