8:31 am - Monday, Apr. 29, 2002
Not 100% sure this entry has any reason to exist

Suddenly it seems possible that a person might become an actor if he had trouble expressing his emotions-It'd be so much safer to express them through characterizations. He could express them and remain distant from them at the same time, he could express them and people would think he was only acting-He could do that in "real life" too, while making it clear he was being "ironic". It could actually be very charming-People would find him very likeable and at the same time never know who he is. If you give them a character, you don't have to give them a person.

That's from an introduction to a Rolling Stone article on Kevin Kline, back in the day when he was hot enough for Rolling Stone to take an interest.

Change the pronouns, and it reads like a particularly well-written, astute Diaryland entry.

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I used to think words were my "thing". Not as a writer or a poet, but as someone who could make things "come to life" off a page.

Now, while I still appreciate a good turn-of-phrase, a well-written screenplay or novel or what-have-you, I realize that words aren't my "thing" after all.

Emotions are.

Words are just a vehicle to help you get to emotions. And sometimes I feel like words let you down when you need them most.

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I was just looking through a couple old journals...

It can be a little discouraging, looking at journals that go back ten years or further and seeing all the same crap that I'm still dealing with today.

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The show closed last night.

I didn't feel like last night went as well as Saturday night, but it went well enough, I guess.

I was actually a little sad. I had my "issues" with this thing or that during the experience, but on the whole, I'd say Crossing The Line has to go in the "positive" column.

Whether this show will have any "ripple effect", or whether it'll just be this thing I did, is hard to know at this point. But whatever the case, I got myself out there and did something. There were some bumps along the way, but I met some nice people, got to do some acting, and left on a good note.

(It's funny for me to think about...I'm not sure what the exact number would be, but there probably weren't more than 60 or 70 people total who saw me in the show; Back in Lansing, that would be a disappointing turnout for a single performance of a show.)

In between the afternoon and evening shows, the theater had a little cast party for the two productions. It was nice, and I'm always up for free food (Pop, chips, potato salad, barbecue chicken, and a couple desserts), but I noticed again that I tend to feel awkward at these kind of things, not knowing what to do with myself or where to gravitate.

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Read one of the journals that Carries has links to on her site--Weetabix--and found myself thinking, "She's really funny. Why am I not 'really funny' in my journal?".

But before I break into some David Sedaris-like riff on the absurdities of life, I think I'm going to cut this short and lay down (I know--I said I wasn't going to bother doing that anymore, since I don't seem to be able to nap no matter how tired I get--but I have to try and catch a little rest here, because I'm looking at the coming work day with fatigue-induced dread, and as things stand, I don't think I'm going to get more energized as the day progresses.

(I'm feeling like my entries seriously suck lately...)

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