9:41 am - Thurs 9.16.2010
Antici...pation

Disappointing email from Shelly last night (Emailing from work...wherever that is): She got called about a production job today.

Of course she had to take it (She's gotta make a living, after all)...so no House of Pies this afternoon.

I might be more disappointed than is warranted - cause I'm pretty disappointed - but it's been almost a month now since I first asked her out...and here we are ("Here" being "Nowhere").

Well, either it's going to happen at some point, or it isn't, but there's nothing I can do about it right now (She proposed we reschedule for Monday, which I can't do because of a Weight Watchers commitment; my counter-proposal was Tuesday or Thursday).

So anyway, moving on...

Had the Mr Sunshine audition yesterday.

Read for three one-line costar roles ("Co-worker #1", "Co-worker #2", and "Lighting Man"); it was the first time I've been to this particular office, I believe (Lauren Gray Casting), and I think it went well.

The "Co-worker" roles felt like not much of anything, but I thought the "Lighting Guy" thing had "possibilities" - First off, it's a "scene" with Matthew Perry (aka "Mr Sunshine"), which would be cool, and, secondly, there's a comic "bit" involved, which means (To my way of thinking) that you could do it, and be funny, and make enough of an impression to be brought back.

(The show's set in a sports arena, so "Lighting Guy" could definitely be a recurring character.)

Going in for a couple of different small parts on a tv show or commercial is the textbook definition of "double-edged sword"; it's exciting to go in and think, "I've got X number of chances to book something here...!", which then becomes doubly (Or in the case of Mr Sunshine, triply) disappointing if you end up with a big goose egg.

(Crap - I've used the word "disappointing" twice now in this entry. That doesn't seem good...)

Another "double-edged sword" situation: I realized yesterday that I'm very possibly at my happiest, not when good things are happening, but when I'm feeling like good things are possible.

So this week, with two tv auditions and a "date", I've had moments where I've been almost giddy with anticipation and a sense of possibility.

But what happens if/when the thing you anticipate doesn't happen, and the "possibilities" you envisioned don't come to pass?

It seems human, and good, to be excited, to anticipate things, to be excited about the "possibilities" inherent in a given situation (like an audition or a date).

But on the other hand, to my way of thinking, if you're only really happy when you've got upcoming events that may "turn into something", you're in trouble.

Cause, in my case, how many auditions do I have in an average year?

And how many of those auditions "turn into something"?

(The most auditions I've had out here were 65, back in 2006-2007; the most gigs I've booked in a given year is six, in 2007.)

And I've really only just started to get back into "the dating scene".

It just seems to lead to a lot of time where I'm not going to be happy, between not having those events going on, or having them not go the way I want.

I guess what you need to do is maintain a broader "positive outlook", a more generalized sense that "things are going well, and more good things are coming in the future", even when you don't have a couple tv auditions and a lunch date with a pretty girl on the docket.

And in the meantime, find things to do and ways to think that make you happy in the here-and-now, and don't depend so much on the possibility of "booking the gig" or "getting the girl".

Sounds way "easier said than done" to me...but what's the alternative?

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