11:15 pm - Fri 2.11.2011
And that's true enough, as far as it goes.
But at the same time I'm enjoying it, there's another part of me that's noting how empty it is, for the most part.
I used to liken it to cocaine (Which I've never actually done, btw) - A brief, intense rush that quickly goes away, and makes you want more as soon as possible.
But these days, I'm thinking more in Weight Watchers terms - Miriam, the leader at my two Wednesday meetings in Santa Monica, says "Don't eat junk when you're hungry", because "Treats are not food".
I think I need to take that attitude with getting attention for my tv work - It's a "treat"...but it ain't "food".
The trouble, to continue this junk food analogy?
I don't know where the "food" is.
And I'm hungry.
Felt like my audition for "Jon Benjamin" went well yesterday.
This was my fifth audition of the year, and the first one where I had the "I might get this" feeling I like having after an audition (Much preferable to the "I really wish that had gone better" feeling I sometimes have).
Didn't get a call today, which was disappointing, but I'm not ruling out a booking just yet (But if I don't hear on Monday, I am going to assume it didn't go my way, cause you can't dwell on this shit forever).
Oh, I thought this was interesting - This was actually a different casting office than the first time I auditioned, so apparently, the first casting office was fired.
(Most likely had something to do with my not being cast...)
I've wanted to write about this for weeks now, but haven't for some reason (Probably because I think it's only of interest to the person involved...and I already know about it): I've removed coffee and diet soda from my daily regimen.
Considering that's pretty much all I've drank for many, many years now - Usually a cup of coffee in the morning, and soda the rest of the day - it's been surprisingly easy.
What's my "secret", you wonder?
I think it's two-fold, "fold one" being that I finally had sufficient motivation; clearly, it wasn't enough that all that soda wasn't doing my teeth any favors, or that dosing myself with caffeine all day long probably wasn't helping my sleep - when I found out I had acid reflux, and that soda and caffeine are no-nos, it (eventually) bothered me enough, imagining my vocal cords bathed in my own stomach acid - my "reflux" goes that far up my esophagus - that I switched to herbal teas and "lite" powdered drink mixes (Along with the occasional glass of plain old water).
And "fold two" kind of connects to Weight Watchers again - I think a big part of my success in Weight Watchers comes from thinking "I could have _____ if I wanted to...but it wouldn't be worth it", as opposed to some outside authority telling me what I can or can't have.
Or for that matter, even telling myself, "you are never going to have coffee or soda again" - All that does is assure feeling unhappy and deprived, and before too long, going right back to my routine of "all coffee and soda, all the time".
I'm not even sure how long it's been - a month maybe? - but I haven't had coffee at all, and have only had soda three times.
I bring this up, I guess, not so much for a "pat on the back", but because I think it's interesting, in the sense of what motivates me to (eventually) change, and what line of thinking seems to help or hinder that motivation.
But right now, i have to motivate myself to get to bed; I'm now working three WW meetings on Saturdays, which means I'm up at 5:45 in the am - "Yay!" for the extra meetings, "Boo!" for the early hour - and I may catch a double-feature with Howard in the late afternoon/early evening (And if I do, it might be nice to actually be awake for it).
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