6:24 pm - Mon 8.22.2011
Said something interesting in Group today - that I didn't feel empowered by the fact that I survived my bad childhood, but instead, felt like my bad childhood had left me "broken".
It's a bizarre kind of progress, I guess - In the past, I assumed I was broken from the get-go, and that was why I had a bad childhood - but be that as it may, I'd really like to progress beyond the idea that I'm "broken", period.
I'd assumed I wasn't going to make it to Group today, because I had an audition at 10:45 for "American Horror Story" (But I ended up getting there and getting out early, making it to Group only a few minutes late).
Sharon called me this afternoon (About changes in the sides for my "Austin and Ally" audition tomorrow), and asked me how today's audition had gone.
And the answer is that I think it went fine; it was one fairly generic line as "Officer", so I couldn't psych myself into thinking "Yeah! Nobody's ever gonna top that line reading!". This kind of "role" is a crap shoot that's mostly out of your hands.
But looking on the bright side, it's my second time going in for the show, and my first time in I didn't have any lines - So things are looking up!
Tomorrow's audition is for a kid's show called "Austin and Ally", and it's also my second time in for that show...or, it would have been, if they hadn't written out the character I was going in for the first time.
(But I've been in for this casting director a number of times, so clearly she likes me.)
When I downloaded the sides yesterday, I was "Mo", and I ran a hot-dog place, but with the changes Sharon called me about, I'm now "Pete" and run a fish place (As I told Sharon, "I think I can roll with that...").
It's a cute enough bit - a paragraph-sized line, and there's enough there to do something with - but more importantly for my purposes, they're saying it's a "possible recurring", and that would be nice.
Where was I...?
Fading fast...earlier, I was thinking about how Shameless was a job I was excited about, and my Modern Family audition last week was something I was excited about.
But the things today and tomorrow? Not so much.
And that made me think two things:
First thing I thought: If you book these, that means you'll make money, and money is good - It's the "professional" part of "Professional Actor".
Second thing I thought: You want what you want because you think it's the best thing that could happen, but the fact is, you don't have a clue what "the best thing that could happen" would be.
And this seems like a good time to close up shop for the night, since a discussion of "Detachment" definitely merits its own entry (Or at least more mental energy than I can summon at present).
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