4:36 pm - Sat 4.19.2008
Had lunch earlier today with Bobby R., Patrick R., and Bobby's friend ______ (Whose name I didn't quite catch), at the French Market on Santa Monica Blvd.
(Patrick and Bobby were part of the Actor Marketing Group thing, which withered on the vine once Tammy D. quit as the de facto leader; Bobby recently sent out an email suggesting lunch, and Patrick and I were the only ones who could do it. Anyway...)
I thought it was just going to be a social thing - which is why I accepted the invite (I've read about this thing called a "social life" and I think it sounds interesting) - but it was really Bobby's effort to revive the AMG.
Bobby has a mania for marketing himself (Leading me to wonder why he even needs a marketing "support group"). And, for various and sundry reasons, I don't (But that's a topic for another entry, cause I don't have much time right now).
Long story short, I wasn't really prepared for an accounting of my marketing efforts so far this year (Which have basically consisted of getting my reel together), so instead of having the enjoyable social outing I thought I was in for, I had two hours of feeling guilty and inadequate (On a good note - the turkey burger I ordered was pretty tasty).
It's something that really troubles me; when I venture outside my comfort zone to do something, hoping for a good outcome, and just end up thinking "I wish I'd stayed home and watched tv..." (Or "surfed the web", or "had a nap", etc).
Yes, I need to figure out ways to market myself that I'm comfortable with, that make sense to me (I would never be comfortable doing what Bobby does, cause I think it nearly crosses the line into being a "post card stalker"), but that doesn't feel like my biggest "issue" right now. I think it's important, mind you, but I think there are other things that are effecting my life more right now.
Two things that feel more important to me, at this point, are 1) Finding my way back into actual performing, and 2) Figuring out how to have my life be about more than just my shitty day job and going to auditions (Or, during the dry spells, crying about how I'm not getting enough auditions).
Speaking of auditions - and I'm running very short on time here - I have another audition on Monday, for Dunkin Donuts.
To read the description, it sounds like a whole lot of nothing (In terms of anything resembling "acting")- it's just a bunch of different people walking up a hill with their Dunkin' Donuts coffee - but I think that's something I have to get over anyway (The hunger to have commercial work be creatively "satisfying", and/or pinning all my hopes of success on a given commercial leading to "bigger and better things").
Commercials are, first and foremost, about making money (Sometimes really good money). If I want them to do something else, I think I'm likely to be very disappointed; that's what theater and independent film is for.
But I gotta run....
0 comments so far