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8:59 am - SAT 4/13/02 After I got home from the tech for "Crossing the Line" last nite, I was feeling pretty bad. Definitely worse than when I got there at the start of the evening. In addition to my guilt feelings about how the day had gone, and my concerns about selling tickets for the show, at the tech I was saddled with having to be heard over "mood music" they want to add to the show--I guess because it's so damned BORING otherwise--lighting that takes me away from the other actors in the show and makes me feel like I'm just talking to MYSELF onstage, and a costumer who wants me to bring in clothes from home that I don't HAVE for my "costume" (I kept saying, "I REALLY don't have a lot of clothes at home"--So few, in fact, that having to take some clothes out of the "daily rotation" for my "costume" is a genuine IMPOSITION--but ended up just saying I'd "take a look" in my closet, knowing that I didn't have what he was looking for. I felt very anxious and uncomfortable during the tech, like things weren't going the way I would have wanted, and I wasn't going to have time to work out the new problems the tech presented me with (We were also missing two actors--One at work, one out of town--which threw things off). But I tried my best to be agreeable and basically "go with it"; After all, whether it's good, bad, or indifferent, it's going to be over before long ANYWAY. (Something else that makes me uncomfortable is that the other show--"Shaking The Mess Out Of Misery"--is a full-fledged SHOW, 90 minutes or so long. I can't exactly explain WHY that bothers me, except that it suggests "Crossing the Line", which runs about 20-25 minutes, is basically THEIR "opening act". That's NOT how I envisioned "an evening of one-acts" was going to go (At one point, I was feeling kind of COMPETITIVE about the whole thing, wanting "our" show to be better than "their" show), and it makes me feel even MORE awkward about inviting people--"Hey, want to spend $15 or more to watch me be a minor part of the evening's entertainment?") In any case, I got home feeling pretty despondent and lonely, more upset than I even understood. But here's where I get that "A" I mentioned at the start of the entry... Instead of sinking deeper into my upset, as I am wont to do, I actually got out my tax stuff, logged onto the the "Turbo-Tax" website, and did my taxes, which was one of the things I'd felt guilty for NOT doing earlier in the day. It TOOK awhile, but was basically really easy (And in one of the few perks of being "The Nation's Poor" like I am, I'm getting MAJOR money back--Over $700 between "state" and "federal" Yay!). And now that I've gotten that out of the way, when I have tomorrow OFF, all I have to do is rehearsal in the morning (A regular rehearsal--no tech), then I can take myself to a matinee in the afternoon, and I'll have "Alias" to look forward to in the evening. This morning, after a little bit of screwing around, I logged onto "Backstage" (Which I finally "bookmarked" today. Wonder why that TOOK so long...?). But much to my annoyance, the "casting" page was screwed up; There's a page where you pick what casting opportunities you're interested in checking--"nonunion stage", "industrails", "Seeking Sag" projects, etc--but today that page wasn't GOING anywhere. Annoying--and I tend to get REALLY frustrated when I shake myself out of my lethargy, only to not be able to do what I set out to do ANYWAY--but really not the end of the world. And while I didn't really get anything DONE as a result of that little computer glitch, I proved myself willing, once again, to pull myself out of the muck and mire. But speaking of "muck and mire", I have to get off to work (A short work day today--11 to 5--but another tech rehearsal tonite, so "Jim time" is essentiallly over till sometime later this evening).
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