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9:21 PM - 07.08.18

FWIW, This Will Not Be "Inspirational"


Checked my work email for the first time in a few weeks - when I'm supposed to do it at least once a week - and found out I'm in trouble with the boss (She says I missed a deadline for a training, and she's emailed me twice to arrange to talk to me about it).

I did the last computer training thing I was supposed to do, far as I know, but in talking to a coworker (To ask if there'd been any training stuff since the one I'd done) I found there might be an issue of an overlooked conference call.

It's also possible the website we have to do our training on glitched, and didn't show that I'd completed the online course. I know that's happened to other people before.

Anyway, this is not the sort of thing I wanted to find out about as I start a new week.

Or ever, really....

(And it's also not something I want to spend a lot of time on in here. I'm just nervous, because, 1. I'm neurotic, and 2. I know I can get angrily defensive in a circumstance like this, and that would be a very not-good thing. I have to talk to her on the phone tomorrow at 3:30, and there's really no play here other than to "throw myself on the mercy of the court", and promise to straighten-up-and-fly-right. My coworkers and members like me, and I think I've been a big asset to the company, - missed conference call notwithstanding - so hopefully, that counts for something)

In other news...

Have the commercial audition tomorrow in Santa Monica, around 11:00 am. Looking forward to that...though at present, to my chagrin, this other thing is uppermost in my thoughts.


Well, as long as I'm struggling with unhappy thoughts, I might as well get this out of the way...

The "Zumba Group" that I've mentioned in here? The one I said I really enjoyed and hoped would become a real thing (The one I worried wouldn't hold together because of our various schedule conflicts and the difficulty of grabbing the needed space at the Y)?

Well, twice now we've had a run-in with another member, the same member, a Korean man who would like to do his Tai-Chi/stretching thing in silence, while we need our music.

(We have to do our thing in a smaller, mostly common-area, because the big studios are taken-up with official classes - In our defense, we've gotten permission, we don't take up the whole place or commandeer the room, sometimes people have actually joined in with us for a dance or two, and most of the people who are doing other things are wearing headphones; in Korean Man's defense, I know it distracts him, and likely other people as well. And since our thing is fairly new, he probably has a bit of "I was here first" righteousness going on.)

I've been surprised at how angry the situation has made me - Clearly, something is going on for me here beyond simple "enjoyment" on my part.

I was pleased to be asked in the first place, and this little ragtag group has quickly come to mean something to me. I've found it hard to make friends out here, at least friends who have the time and inclination to actually do something with me, and I don't want it to die on the vine.

The last time, the Y management got called in, it was a big "thing", and I found myself getting really "churned up" over the whole business.

So we're working on seeing if we can officially get time in the space (For an hour on Tuesday and Fridays evenings) - Not just asking right before we want to do it, but having it be officially on the room schedule (Apparently, we can't be a "class" - because they'd have to pay an instructor to call it that - but we can be a "group" or a "club").

This probably sounds stupid, and I'm embarrassed to admit I'm having "feelings" about it...but here we are.

I think like "Korean Man" feels unfaired-upon ("I'm trying to do my thing, then they come in and play loud music and it's distracting..."), I'm feeling my own sense of injustice - "I just want this piddly ass little social/exercise activity, and this guy's bitching is gonna shut it down...".

Hopefully, they'll figure out something to keep everyone happy...but if they have to choose, I want them to choose us (As I said to my friends of "Korean Man", "If he wants to do his thing in silence, there's an easy fix here - do it at home!").

(Well, this hasn't exactly been the most chipper entry, has it...?)

What else is going on?

Well, my friend Mike M's birthday was actually last Monday (The day we shot #905), but he had a birthday party Saturday night.

I like Mike a great deal, but I really didn't want to go. Saturday is pretty much my tiredest-day-of-the-week, and a party where I don't really know anyone but the guest-of-honor and the only thing to do is awkwardly try to make conversation and overeat really unhelpful things in weight-loss not ideal.

But I thought, "Jim, you're an adult...sort of. And you like Mike, so go to his party, so he knows that you like him, and are happy he likes you enough to invite you to his party".

I so didn't want to go I found it kind of alarming - "Am I seriously turning into a hermit?", was my basic line-of-thinking - but I went...and it was actually okay.

Yes, there was some awkward milling-about, and I definitely ate more pizza and cake and the like than was strictly necessary (Cause, after all, it's not like I work at fucking Weight Watchers or anything...!)

And I felt a little jealous pang at seeing he could actually get enough people to gather together for an honest-to-God "birthday party", where I'm breaking personal records if I can get two people to have lunch with me on my birthday..

But I found some people to talk to eventually and was ultimately glad I went (Even if I'm still feeling guilty about the food).

And on that note, it's gotten late, or at least late enough that I should go to bed - I'm telling myself, since I got minimal exercise today, that I'm gonna get up early enough tomorrow to work out before I have to clean up and go to my audition.

(We'll see how that goes.)

Till next time...


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