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1:23 pm - Fri 12/14/01 A gray, drizzly day in LA... Had a nice surprise in yesterday's mail--A final profit participation check from Schuler Books! Not a life-changing amount of money, but enough to defray a couple expenses for the month. Called the doctor on Wednesday, to get the results of my tests. My blood sugar was high (179, when 115 is normal), and my iron was low. But beyond that, everything was normal. (The Doctor asked if there was a history of diabetes in the family. Of course, my situation being what it is, I had to tell him I didn't know.) I guess the reaction I should have is to be grateful that there's probably not something seriously wrong (Though I guess the blood sugar thing is a point of some concern), but I just found myself frustrated that yet another situation goes on and on, when all I want to is find out what the problem is and SOLVE it. I called the car place on Wednesday, feeling more like I "should" than anything else, and no one was there, so I took that to mean that Gustavo is still on vacation (Though I was kind of surprised that the whole operation should shut down. When I've gone there, it seems like he has a number of people working for him. But maybe no one he trusts to run the place in his stead). Peyton, the coworker who took my pictures, still hasn't gotten around to developing them. I've lost track of how long it's been now, but it's at least a month since I sat for them (And all this waiting for pictures that probably aren't going to turn out ANYWAY). I'm frustrated, because I feel like I fulfilled MY part of the bargain, but on the other hand, whaddaya want for nothin'? So I've grown my beard back (I grow a beard quickly, but still, it gives you some sense of the time that's passed), and for now, am going with the headshot I have (Though it's been weeks since I've sent out anything. I did, however, send a headshot to The Actor's Gang, figuring "What the hell!"). I asked John if he could start scheduling me for Monday days at the bookstore, and threw out the idea that, while I knew he couldn't give me a 9-to-5 schedule, as many days as he COULD give me would be appreciated ( He acknowledged that I've had a crappy schedule, and said he'd see what he could do). I felt good that I asked about that, because for some reason, I'd been avoiding it. I'm not doing anything very SYSTEMATIC, but I have been trying to deal with my problems, at least in a preliminary, exploratory way; Asking John for a change in schedule, looking through the "community ed" coursebook for the nearby Community College (Seeing about an acting class, or barring that, just something to get me "out in the world"), leafing through used car guides (I also "bookmarked" Craigslist, which is an online bulletin board where people put rental notices and things for sale and whatnot). It doesn't FEEL like much--which is a " personal challenge" I have. I don't get a lot of satisfaction out of my positive efforts--but I'm definitely trying to turn my mind in the direction of solving "challenges", and that's a GOOD thing. I'm about halfway through reading "Cymbeline". I was cowed, initially. Not by the language so much as by the FOOTNOTES; I'm reading the Arden edition of the play--it was all we had at the bookstore--and the footnotes go on for days, debating what the line in question COULD mean or MIGHT mean, saying "Smith puts the colon after THIS word, while Jones puts a comma after THAT word, but they're both WRONG", and all that sort of thing, while I just want to scream, "Just tell me what the damned word MEANS, wouldya?". But I'm making my way through it, and I feel like I'm getting it. I was supposed to meet Cary in North Hollywood yesterday, to talk about monologues for the upcoming audition, but in the continuing spirit of nothing I want to get accomplished just HAPPENING, he took ill, and left a message on my voicemail to cancel...a message I didn't check until I was in North Hollywood, having waited twenty-five minutes after we were supposed to meet (D'oh!). (But I did have my first ride on the Metro-rail, which went off without a hitch.) We're going to meet tomorrow before I have to go to work. It'll be fun to get to hang out with him a bit, but beyond that, I'm anxious to get this monologue thing started; It's starting to feel like Jan 4th is not that far away. (It looks like I'm going to be biking to work in the drizzle. Oh well--I did it before and survived the experience little the worse for wear.) I saw "Ocean's 11" on Wednesday. I thought it was very well done, it looked very cool and all that, but there just wasn't anything THERE; Even in a comedy, or a light "caper" film like "Ocean's 11", I want to feel like something is at STAKE. I never bought into the notion that there was anything really happening on screen but a group of stars having a good time. And I really LIKE the stars in question--Particularly George Clooney and Julia Roberts--but that's not quite ENOUGH. Well, I'd PLANNED on getting to work early today, to pick up my check and deposit it, and maybe buy some Xmas cards and address them at work before I punched in (I would have done this earlier, but there's another "employee appreciation" weekend this weekend, so I've held off, so as to enjoy a 40% discount on the cards I'll be buying). But the rain has put a damper on those plans... Well, I'd better go.
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