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2:25 pm - Friday, Jul. 18, 2003 I'm thinking about some stuff I'm not sure if I know how to put into words... Coming home from one of these castings, something occurred to me...something like "Maybe this is what �obsession' is like...". (Watching Pump Up The Volume, which I taped off tv a couple days ago.) All I really seem to want is to do the thing that I do. I want my life to be centered around that. When it is, I'm as close as I get to being happy, and when it isn't, I inevitably grow frustrated and depressed and wonder how I'm getting through my days. I'm not built to support life, it turns out. I don't have the temperament for it. I'm not going to get married, I'm not going to have kids, I'm not going to have pets, I'm not even going to get a fern. I get lonely, yes I do, I wonder if something is wrong with me, and undoubtedly there is, but it is what it is. Whether I can't have it or I don't want it, a regular life is not the thing for me, it's not what I'm built for, not where the truth of being me lies. I've been tired of being stuck being poles. 3 comments so far 
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