1:38 pm - Tue 8/05/03
General Weirdness

It looks like there's been another casualty of the regime-change at work; Suzy told me she'd given notice yesterday.

Unlike Mandy, she doesn't have another job. She's just feeling the need to go, and the timing seems right (She commented on the "atmosphere" at the bookstore when she told me the news).

I was talking with another coworker about it after I heard; Making the kind of money you make at Borders, while living in LA, is tough (And it gets a little tougher when they decide to cut hours), but on the other side, the people you work with are generally pretty cool, and nasty customers aside, it's an okay place to work.

But there's a certain balance that has to be maintained. You can handle working for a heartless, soulless corporation that doesn't give a shit about you, you can handle making less money than you'd probably make collecting cans from the dumpster, if the people you work with are fun to be around, if the atmosphere is relaxed, if store management is willing to be flexible regarding your schedule needs.

I think it's a tightrope a lot of people at the store are walking. I imagine some people are kept at the store by their lethargy, but I think a lot of people actually like the job, and make the decision to deal with the low wage because they enjoy what they're doing (Nobody at the store level�Supervisors and Managers included�are getting rich off Borders). But then a new GM blows into town, and he's going to maintain the current cuts in hours till he "can see what works", and no one's going to have a set schedule, and he won't be hiring anyone full-time, because "full time positions have to be earned", and he's prone to sneaking around, peering from around pillars to see if people are working (Tim G. seems to find that particularly galling; As he said to me yesterday, "We're all adults here...").

And suddenly a lot of people are wondering if this is where they really want to be.

And the two cutest girls in the store are leaving.

And I am sad.

But as I was saying to Pat recently, regarding peple departing, this is basically the way-of-things; At this point, I have to expect people to come in and out of my life on a regular basis, and there's not going to be much to do about it except appreciate them while they're there (I wouldn't mind making another long-term friend or two before I "exit, stage right", but it seems like a long shot at this point).

I actually want to be at Borders till it's time to leave the "straight world" for good. I don't know if that's going to be possible or not�I guess we'll see�but it's hard for me to see a potential move that isn't "lateral" or worse (Working in a video store or a movie theater wouldn't pay any better, and I'd still be working for another "soulless corporation". And working in a restaurant or as a security guard would certainly have a negative impact on my daily "quality of life").. I just want a job I can do and feel good about, that pays a living wage, that allows me to work towards what I came out here to do. I want whatever I'm doing to be basically set, so I can focus on what really matters.

Tues 8/05/03

Weird start to the day...I woke up a little after 7:00 and panicked, thinking it was 7:00 at night. I haven't experienced that sort of confusion in years, so I don't know exactly what the deal was (I was so disoriented that I thought it might be my day off, which could have explained why I'd have been napping in the early evening. But anyway...).

Speaking of "weird", I had a weird dream recently, one I've been hesitant to report because of its "sexual nature". But I don't remember my dreams very often, so I feel like I want to record it in here. But in deference to the more easily offended amongst you, I'll try to be discreet in my description.

I was in a medical office, having a special "procedure" done (Let's put it this way�Normally, this is a "procedure" I have to perform on myself. But let's move on...).

I won't embarrass all of us with the clinical details, but when it was over, I started to tell the doctor, or the nurse-practicioner, or whoever she was, that I hadn't had sex in quite a long time. I meant to bring up the issue of "performance anxiety", but she misunderstood,and started telling me about how many "office visits" insurance typically covered for this sort of thing.

And then I woke up.

(When I told Kevin about the dream earlier today, he commented on what a great insurance plan that would be. I said "Yeah, only in dreams...or in Sweden.")

Well, keeping with the theme of "weird"...For the first time since I went online with this, I'm feeling a bit creeped-out over some of my "fans" (Turns out that using my full name in here, accompanied by my headshot photo, was maybe not the best idea I ever had).

I don't want to go into a lot of detail�don't need to fan any psychotic flames here�but lets just say I realize now that when you put something out there, even something as innocuous as this seems to be, you don't really have any control over what people latch onto, or what they make of it, or for that matter, what they make of you.

So for the record? I'm not really Jim Hoffmaster, that's not really my picture up in the corner, and I don't really live in LA.

And I like everybody and everything.

Okay?

In acting news--There haven't been any commercial auditions for almost a week-and-a-half. It's disappointing, because I really was hoping I might sneak in just one more gig before Lansing, but now I don't think that's going to happen.

Saw an ad for an acting class that would have been perfect for me-- A 12 week "intensive", taught twice a week (On Thursday nights and Saturday mornings)�but it runs during my "vacation". But it's not that big a deal, really; Here in LA--I mean Peoria-- it's not as if there's not another acting class right around the corner (And I really want to find something that focuses on acting for film, since I'm already a master of stagecraft).

When I started this, I thought I might leave off the stuff I wrote about work yesterday. I'm kinda getting bored with writing about it. But unless the new GM goes insane and starts running around with a machete or something, I'm hoping that'll be the last major news report about Borders for awhile (Partly, it actually is news, but I think it's also that nothings happening with acting, so I'm having to look elsewhere for stuff to write about).

Well, I'm out of stuff to say�wonder of wonders!�and it's about time to get my laundry out of the dryer anyway, so I shall bid you all adieu for now (And remember�I'm not Jim Hoffmaster, the picture came with my wallet, and I live in a small town in an undisclosed state).

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